Pages

Friday, December 16, 2011

Brown & beautiful, baby!


Hey baby girl,

It’s been a couple of busy days these last few days. Mummy’s parents are here! And it’s quite exciting!

However, today I saw a video a young boy had posted on youtube. It seems he has been bullied throughout his school life.(Video here: 'What's Going On?" )While watching this video, I remembered the times I have been bullied myself in school.

As I have told you in one of my earlier letters, when I was in Australia, during my first year I was bullied for having dark skin and looking like a little boy. It was hard at first because I was a very timid girl back then. But I learned to fight back and overcome those insults.
Mummy, age 5 or 6, in Aussie
And I thought when I go back to Sri Lanka, my home, people would accept me. But sadly, they were even more narrow-minded.  A common mindset in Asian countries and one which I find utterly disgusting, is that fair is beautiful. So you can imagine how darker girls get overlooked very easily. So when I went back to school in Sri Lanka, my home, I was STILL bullied for having dark skin. Some famous nicknames I had were “Kalu Kella” (Black girl) or “Kalu Kaakka” (Black crow). Naturally I was confused. How could these people, my own people, look and talk about me this way? I just got back from Australia hoping that the bullying would end. So for some years in school, this continued. I laughed on the outside, but on the inside I started hating my skin colour. I felt ugly and angry. All I would think was why did God make me this colour? Why am I so ugly?

It took me a long time to become comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t want to hate myself anymore. It was too exhausting and I was wasting precious time! I needed to be sure of who I was and I needed to love it, because until I was sure and until I loved myself, nobody else would either. It took me a long time to realize that no matter what other people say, the truth cannot be changed. And the truth is that I am beautiful, chocolate skin and all! Why is this the truth? Because in the Bible, David tells God, in Psalm 139,

 13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it

In the same way, God took trouble to put me together. He carefully chose every part of me and with skill He put it all together and He looked at me and said, “Oh this is perfect!”

So I could either choose to listen to the lies of mere mortal humans or believe the most beautiful truth that God Himself made me wonderfully complex and marvelous! And let me tell you darling, the truth sets you free!

Brown and beautiful, baby! WOOT!
 Now why do I tell you this? Because someday, I’m sure you are going to stand in front of the mirror and criticize your nose or your hair or your eyes or your body. But in those moments, I want you to remember who created you. You were not a haphazard mistake. You were wonderfully and marvelously knit together. You are a masterpiece, my baby! And no words or comments from other people will or can change that.

Now I’m not only talking about your looks. I’m talking about the labels people give us. Those people didn’t create you. Therefore, they have no right to decide on your behalf who you will be. But the truth is, we cannot stop or control people from airing their opinions or passing out their insensitive comments. The only thing we can control is whether we choose to believe them or not.

Something that I constantly try to do, is if someone says something mean or harsh to or about me, I go to God’s word and see what He says about me. Because what He says about me is always uplifting and encouraging and true. And when you soak yourself in the truth, all these external lies lose their power on you. It’s such an amazing feeling knowing that God who is Heaven, thinks about YOU! :)

Remember darling, your failure or success in life lies in what you believe. So choose carefully what you believe and always seek out the truth!

You are beautiful, not because you are my daughter, but because you are firstly God’s daughter.

Love always,
Mummy


Thursday, December 8, 2011

My Heroes.

Dear baby girl,

EXCITING NEWS. Tomorrow MY mummy and daddy are coming to see me! :D WEE.

It's been 5 months since I've seen them and I've missed them a lot. You know, it's so easy to take your family for granted. That's something I've really understood these last few months.

When I came to Finland, the thing I missed most was being known and being loved for it. When I was in Sri Lanka, people knew me. They knew my name, my nature, my personality, my family. But here, I was a stranger to everyone. And I guess that was a hard thing to accept. When I was with my family, they knew me and they loved me just as I was, with all my flaws and  rough edges.

My parents. My two heroes. I'm the only child. So they were all mine and I was all theirs. They have gone above and beyond their call of duty to be good parents to me. I have not always seen it, but now, I see it. They have been people of principle and faith. Loving God devotedly and serving Him faithfully. The sacrifices they have made on behalf of me and hundreds of others is unbelievable. They gave when they didn't have and they did it joyfully. I learned most from my parents by watching them, not from their lectures. They lived what they preached. They have been my pillars of strength and support throughout my life with them. They were not perfect people, but they were the perfect parents for me.

My mum and dad on my graduation :)

However, I was not always a model child. I've definitely not been an easy child to raise. There were a few years in my life when I would be considered any parent's nightmare. During my teenage years I was quite rebellious. Something I regret today. But I have learned and I have grown and I have changed. However, now when I think of you, and how much I love you and adore you, I think of how much it would be break my heart if you lied to me or hid things from me. Not because of anything else, but because of how incredibly much I love you. That's something I guess a child could never understand, until they are put in a parent's position.

Nevertheless, my parents had to watch me go from one bad decision to another. I'm sure it broke their hearts. And every time I would fall flat on my face, they would pick me up in love, not anger. I used to sit and ponder, how could my mum and dad love me so much after all the pain I put them through? Something I couldn't understand. I could talk to them about anything. Even though so many times I rejected their advice and concern, I knew I could not get through this life without them. And what bugs me is that 99% of the time, they are right. Just remember that your mummy and daddy are always right ok? :)

No, but in love, the reason why I tell you this is because someday if you are anything like mummy when she was young, you might think I'm old-fashioned and insensitive and I don't understand how you feel. But remember that mummy was young once. I have been through some valuable experiences. I've had many broken hearts, I've had addictions, I've been beaten down, bullied and ignored, I've had eating disorders and a very low self-esteem and the list goes on and on. But the good news is, by God's amazing grace, I managed to overcome those things. So in those moments you feel like, okay my mum will not understand this, think again. I may not know EXACTLY how you feel, but I will try my best to. I may advise you and you may not agree with me. That's ok. But remember the best way to learn is from another person's mistakes. So I'm laying down all my mistakes before you. Please learn from them! I'm still going to make a lot of mistakes, even as a mummy. But at the end of the day, I want to be the best mummy I can possibly be.

I can never be grateful enough to God for blessing me with such incredible parents. All I ask from Him now, is that I could be as good to you as my parents have been to me.

You are precious.

Forever yours,
Mummy <3

P.s. :- You will probably make a lot of mistakes in life. But remember, no matter what, mummy and daddy will love you unconditionally. For sure.

...and this is a song I wrote in honour of my parents and anyone who sacrifices on behalf of others...it's called 'Superman'. Enjoy :)



Friday, December 2, 2011

You will not discriminate.


Dear baby girl,

Today I will write to you about something that is very hard for me to write because it means I have to dig deep into some of my hardest and possibly painful memories. Nevertheless, I must write about it because you must know. You mustn’t be shielded and hidden from unpleasant things. You must know them and understand the seriousness of these issues so that you never inflict those things upon others.

When mummy was a little girl, maybe around 4 or 5, my family moved to Australia. My parents were to study there and I went to school. My first year in Australia was a very hard one. When I went there I was a quiet, timid little girl. I had short, black, curly hair and I looked like a little boy. I was probably one of the 4 dark-skinned kids in my school. And of course, I was bullied for it. 

Mummy's first day of school, in Aussie
 They would call me names, compare me to shit, call me a boy, insult my parents, insult my God, even insult my grandmother. They would push me around or completely ignore me. So I spent most of my lunch breaks alone, walking around the big school. Or I had a small bush which I would eat my lunch in. I found comfort and solace in hiding.

But to make things worse, it wasn’t just the children. In my first grade, my own class teacher bullied me. She would keep me in the ‘dark room’ (the room where kids were put when they were punished) for no reason and make me write my ABC’s even though I knew how to read & write already. Once when someone in my class suggested that I should be made class monitor, she said no. Why? Because apparently I was stupid. Even though my reading, writing and spelling skills were far better than the other kids in my class. Thank God, my parents had me removed from that class and after taking a small test I was promoted to grade 2 in the middle of the year.

I was very scared as a little girl. I hated white people. I hated how they thought they were far superior than me simply because their skin was a lighter shade. I vowed that I would never marry a white man. I had been wounded too much as a little girl. And I believe the scars you receive when you are a small child are the ones hardest to heal.

But I grew up. I had to forgive those children and adults who hurt me. Instead of expecting them to change their thinking, I first had to change my thinking. I had to accept that all white people are not hurtful. All white people are not cruel and selfish and are not ignorant. In fact, they are beautifully human just like me. Now who I am married to? A Finn.

But this is what I have to tell you. As my daughter, you will not discriminate. You will not judge a man or woman or child by the colour of their skin. You will not look down on people because of their culture. You will never mock, joke or insult another human being because of where they come from. You will love people no matter how different they are from you. They did not choose the colour of their skin, or the country they were born in or the accent which they have, therefore you will NEVER mock them, insult them or humiliate them because of it. Do you understand me? You will also never think you are above anybody in this world. Because you are not. It doesn’t matter if you are the queen of a country, nobody is beneath you that you cannot respect their humanity. And when you see people being put down, you will stand up for them. You will not tolerate racism. Why? Because when I was being bullied, nobody stood up for me. And I cannot explain to you how much that hurt.

Love people. Be different. Think differently. I have faith that you will grow up with character and integrity and most of all, a heart for people.

I will love you always,
Mummy

Daddy is the best husband I could ask for  <3