Sri Lanka.

Hi my baby girl,

Mummy comes from Sri Lanka, one of the most beautiful places on Earth!

 
And I found this video someone had made and it most certainly showed alot of the amazing landscape, people and experiences you could have in Sri Lanka.

I can't wait to show you my home and all the beauty that comes with it but until then, enjoy this little clip of Paradise :)

Love you muchly,
Mummy

Prince.

My darling,

I write to you today with a heavy heart. Today I have to do something which is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. Yes, this is harder than even moving to Finland.

Today I will give up Prince.

I haven't told you much about Prince. He is our litle puppy and I think to help you understand why this decision is so hard for me, I should start right at the beginning.

Ever since I was a little girl, there have been two things I've wanted. A little brother or a dog. I remember writing letters to God telling Him how He gave Sarah a baby at the age of 99 so He could give my mum a baby too! But it didn't seem like that was His plan. So my next request was a dog.

I am a HUGE animal lover. It is my dream one day in the future to work with animal rescuse shelters and maybe one day have one of my own. So after years of me whining about how I want a dog, my parents were compassionate and got me one.

He was called Rusty. A beautiful golden brown cockerspaniel. I loved him and he was full of life and energy and in fact, TOO much energy for us to handle! Our lifestyle was so busy and my parents traveled quite a lot for work and I had to stay at home alone with Rusty and it was becoming hard for us and mostly, for him. One day we had planned to go for a holiday together as a family (for me, this was my first holiday after months and months!) and suddenly the person who was to look after Rusty while we were gone, was unable to. Then we were left with the decision, do we cancel our holiday or what? I think it was then that we realized maybe Rusty would be happier in another home with a different kind of lifestyle. It was a quick decision but within hours we found a new home for him! A miracle I know! God was so good to take care of Rusty. And trust me, he now resides with a wonderful old couple who absolutely love and adore him and he is a hundred times happier there than he was with us. So THAT makes me happy!

But giving up Rusty was hard. And even after that for years and years my desire for a dog never left. It was one thing I desired even more than a husband. So my mother would always say, 'Keshia, a dog would be very unhappy living with us right now given our busy lifestyle. But when you get your own house and family, I'm sure you can have a dog!'

But coming to the present. I got married and was extremely happy and then we moved to Finland and things were not so easy for me after that. Being the only child, you would expect me to have found a way to deal with loneliness, and even I thought I did, but in Finland I experienced such a deep sense of loneliness that I have never experienced anywhere else. Daddy was so good to me and did everything he could to make me happy but even he couldn't help me in some things. I felt like an outsider who was just a big inconvenience to people around me. I didn't have anything of mine. No job, no friends, no family. I felt empty and above all, rejected. People would completely ignore me and speak in Finnish around me as if I didn't exist, unconcerned that I couldn't understand or be involved. I broke into a million pieces. It was a very hard time in my life. And at the beginning of 2012, I told God I wanted a dog. I needed a companion who was mine. Who spoke MY language. Whom I could love and who would love me irregardless of my skin colour or my personality. Even daddy was supportive of getting a dog, so we prayed for a LONG time. And in April 2012, we had the peace in our hearts to get a dog. But I felt this voice saying to me, 'You won't have him by his 1st birthday' I couldn't understand what that meant. But because we had peace in our hearts we went ahead and started looking and we found the perfect dog, Prince! My lifelong dream had finally come true!

Prince was a gorgeous black & tan Miniature Pinscher and he came into our house in June 2012. I can't give you all the details because there are tooo many! But he made my life exciting, happy and warm. He taught daddy and I a lot about God, ourselves and raising kids. Prince was extremely smart and intelligent and always kept challenging us with his headstrong nature. I can easily say, we picked a dog to perfectly match me. He is a brave little fellow even though he is so small. He rules any dog park we go to, dominating german shepherds and pitbulls. He loves to be energetic and active and he appreciates challenges. He LOVES to eat! He loves people and is very affectionate towards them. He is very caring and loyal to daddy and I. If ever we sneeze or show we are in pain, he comes by our side to check on us and leaves only when we tell him we are ok. But above all, he is absolutely adorable!

 Sometimes when he is there and people are jabbering in Finnish around me, I shut out their voices and it's just me and Prince. Or after a long day, I know ok, I'll get through this horrible day so that I can get home and see Prince. Sometimes he is the motivation I need to get out of bed and get moving in this horrible weather outside. He made my life in Finland bearable and I will forever be grateful to God for blessing me with him.

But now comes the hard part. Daddy and I have been thinking alot about our future and what should we do next. Our time in Finland is drawing to a close and we were praying about what should we do next. We both felt like God wanted us to spend our next year in Sri Lanka and then we felt like we should move to Australia. I was so excited to be able to take Prince to Sri Lanka because I know how much he appreciates sunlight and warmth (like me!!) but then we found out that taking a dog to Australia is like breaking out of a prison. Painfully hard and takes a lot of time and effort. Prince would have to be quarentined for over 7 months. 7 months away from us in an unknown place. I think that would break his heart.

So I asked God, 'What should we do?? What do YOU want from me?' I'm always scared to ask God this. I'm being honest. Because usually His answer is not the one I want to hear. But I have learned that His ways have always been the best for me. I think something is gonna be good for me, but then I choose to obey Him instead and it may be hard at first, but afterwards it ALL makes sense and I know I couldn't have gone down a better road. So with great hesitation, I asked Him. And just as I expected, He replied, 'I gave you Prince for a season. He fulfilled his purpose in that season but now it's time to find a new home for Prince' I shared with daddy what God spoke to me and we broke down in tears together. We sat on the bed crying throughout the night because this decision took all of our strength and will. But finally when we both agreed, 'Ok, God loves Prince more than we do. He wants the best for Prince and so do we. And if we obey Him, not only will our lives go smoother, but Prince will be happier than ever. It's time to find a new home for him' The moment we made that decision together this strange sense of peace came over our hearts. Yes, this was the right thing to do. Painfully hard but right.

So we spoke to Prince's breeder and asked if she could maybe ask around if anyone would like to take in Prince and within a few hours (amazing, right??) we already had two people who were interested. And we met one them and she was such a lovely lady who already had another min pin and when we met her for the first time, Prince absolutely adored her! He even tried to leave with her! And I cannot express how much joy I had in my heart just seeing that! God is so faithful and good :)


But of course, all this joy cannot take away the pain of losing him. I will miss him everyday. His cute little ways and the love he exhumes. But daddy and I have made a decision to be strong. We have made a decision to do what pleases God, not us. We have dedicated our lives to serving Him and if that means I have to give up my most prized possesion, I will do that.

Today is our last day with Prince. And we love him and will never ever forget what he brought into our lives, especially mine.











But remember this baby girl, NOTHING on this earth, no boy, no dream, no job, no dog, no anything, is worth ignoring God's will! Nothing will bring you greater joy or peace. God loves you and wants the absolute best for you, so don't settle for anything less!

We love you and because of you, we want to be the best people we can be!                         

Love,
Mummy

'God, why did You let me wake up today?'

Hello my love,

It's been awhile, I know. I can't really say why I haven't written earlier but there is some finality in writing things down. And especially when things are difficult it's hard to acknowledge them.

These last few weeks, I've been feeling like a tiger. Ever seen those tigers in the zoo in cages?Restlessly pacing up and down. Well, that was me. A restless tiger.

For awhile now, life has felt like a cage. I wake up every morning, open my eyes and the first question I ask is, 'God why did you let me wake up today? Why.' And then I would while the hours away until I lay in bed again to sleep and wake up the next morning and ask the same question. I had forgotten how to laugh or how to look forward to things. I had lost the joy of simple, beautiful things.

Now this feeling of unsatisfaction has been ever growing. Unsatisfaction of the lack of opportunities for me in this country and the struggle to find a job because I don't know the language or the struggle to just keep going on and I believe this last week was the worst for me. I got tired of it and I quit.

I told God I've had it. I hate it that He brought me here. And I'm tired of wasting my life away sitting at home when I have so much potential and so many dreams that I want to fulfill so WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE BAKING BROWNIES ALL DAY LONG? Believe me, I was angry when I had this conversation with God. 'Cos it seemed like I've been asking the same questions for the last 15 months with no apparent answer. And I was exhausted.

And so it was our youth night. 5 minutes before we left home I sat on the ground with daddy and quietly I asked God, 'What am I doing? You want me to go and lead worship and preach when I can barely lift my head up right now? You want me to smile and be joyful when all I want to do is scream and cry and run away? You want me to tell them there is hope when I feel so hopeless right now?' and it's funny when God does answer because it's at the most unusual times. For all I heard Him say was, 'Yes I do.' Sigh.

So that's what I did. I picked up my guitar. Closed my eyes. And sang my guts out to God, forgetting about everything that wasn't going right. Daddy and I preached from our hearts. And at the end of the night, as I was walking home, this strange peace came upon me. The incomprehensible understanding which I maybe once had and lost. The realization that THIS is why I'm here. To give. To build. To invest in the lives of young people. That my existence here is not in vain, it is purposed. It is willed. It is for the best. And then at that moment, my agendas, my plans, my wants, my desires, my dreams, my ideas don't matter.

For I live for His dream. I live for His purpose. I live for His plan.

And nothing else in this life, could ever satisfy.

So in those moments when everything seems pointless and nothing makes sense and you are restless, frustrated and angry...look to God and His purpose for your life and you will find that everything starts to make sense and you find that you are exactly where you belong!

Love,
Mummy

He Hears You.

Dear baby girl,

I have to admit, somedays I feel like God is deaf. I'm not being disrespectful. I'm just being honest. I think everyone at some point has thought that. WHY can't God hear my cry? Even in Psalms, David, the man who was known as the man after God's own heart, asks the same question. And for the last few months, that has been my question. 'God can you see where I am? Can you hear my desperate cry?'

You will find yourself in that place many times. When all the people you love have failed you, when you are in need, when you are lonely or frustrated, when you have been hurt, when the stress and pressure of life becomes too much and when all you hear is silence, you will ask that question, 'God, where are you?'

And it is at that point, that many people walk away from God. Many claim that He is unfaithful, He is unjust, He is heartless, He doesn't care, He doesn't listen, He doesn't know the situation I have been in. And sadly, they walk away not knowing that when God is silent, He is usually busy working on us. But most of us don't have the patience to wait for Him. Too many times I have been this close to giving up because it felt like there is no hope.

And today I was sitting on the floor in my living room, weeping before God. 'God, please help me. Please give me a sign that you hear me. Please give me some encouragement' For I must tell you, the last few months have been difficult. It felt like every direction I turn somebody or some situation is there to beat me down to the ground. And I had grown weary of turning the other cheek and persisting onward. I had come to the end of the line and again, whilst tempted to walk away from the One person who could make all things new, I sat down and cried out to Him. To be honest, after many months of no change, I didn't really expect much to happen today. Hopelessness does that to you, it eats away at your soul.

But today, it was different. The moment I had finished praying, I looked at my phone and I had gotten a text message. It was one of my friends telling me that God has just given her a dream, in which I was asking God for help and support and she messaged me to tell me she is is praying for me. I can't express the joy I felt inside. The first thought that came to my mind was, God hears me. HE HEARS ME! How encouraging is that! The next few minutes I spent crying, but this time it was tears of joy. And then I came across this verse in the Bible, again by David.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, 

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what He has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord"

(Psalm 40:1-3)

Reading this reminded me that our Father in Heaven is a loving Father. He cannot and will not ignore the cries of His children. But it reminded me more that the struggles I go through, the trials I face, the disappointments and sorrow I may experience are not only building me up from the inside, but God could use all these things to help somebody else. For someone who has lost a loved one can relate so much better to someone who has also lost a loved one. So yes, sometime God does allow us to face certain things, only to make us stronger. But He will never give us more than we can bear.

So on any day that you feel like there is only silence, remember this, He hears you. Wait patiently and watch Him move.

Remember, He hears you.

Love,

Mummy

No, I Stink More.

My darling,

I come from a country where the streets are filled with beggars. Mothers with little babies, grown men, old grandpas and grandmas, little boys and girls...you name it, we got it. In fact, I have seen it so much while growing up that it has stopped shocking me. And the truth is that I can't give money to every single beggar who asks me for it, because by the time I get home, I would be broke.

But by nature, I am a very compassionate person. I will cry if I even see a little puppy all manged and in bad condition on the road. So what I find worse are humans living on the street with no home and no real life. My heart breaks to think that some of those children may not ever get to go to school and learn and excel in life like I had the opportunity to do. It saddens me to think of the many women who live on the street who are raped and beaten up because they have no secure place to live or a husband or father to protect them.

Now there is a way of thinking, I don't know if it is a common way of thinking but it's definitely out there and it saddens me the most. It is the digusting notion that we should not give beggars money or anything because they are liars and thieves and instead of begging they should find a job and not be poor. I agree, there are those beggars who do lie and who do steal and use begging as a business. But what I would like to ask the world in general is this. Have you never told a lie? Have you never stolen anything? Have you never deceived someone to get your own way? Because if somebody answers, no I have never lied, need I say more?

The truth is, just because life is comfortable for me and I have everything I need and I have food and I have a job and I have a warm home to come home to every night, I have no right to look down on other people whose conditions are worse and pass judgement on them from my little chair of self-righteousness. But that is what we do. We walk right past those beggars, not even noticing their existence, in fact, even annoyed at their existence. It annoys us that they come behind us all the time or they smell or they are dirty. What's worse is that  we complain about how dishonest they are and then go home and tell a lie or two of our own. How have we become so cold-hearted and selfish? Is it because we have never experienced gut-wrenching hunger or we have never had to sleep in the cold rain? Or is it because we have not had people spit on us or we have not known what it's like not be able to brush your hair everyday or brush your teeth or just have a nice warm shower? What has made us so hard and judgemental on those less fortunate than us? I mean we look at pictures of little starving children in Africa and ignore the old man who begs at the top of our road?

NO.

The Bible says, "Those who shut their ears to the cries of the poor will be ignored in their own time of need" Prov 21:13.

As a Christian, as a human, as a woman, my greatest gift to the poor is first my compassion. I don't have money to give to every beggar I meet. Sometimes I do, sometimes I buy them some food to eat or sometimes I give them a smile instead of a disgusted look. But in whatever I do, I try to do it with love. I'll tell you why.

Because when I was a liar and a cheater, a theif and a criminal, when I harboured darkness in my heart, when my life was so digusting and stunk so bad that nobody on this earth could or should have loved me, Jesus stretched out His arms to die for me on a cross and said, 'This is how much I love you'.

It's time we did the same for others.

Be a compassionate woman, my darling.

Love always,
Mummy

Daddy's Alarm

Dear baby girl,


It's been a long time hasn't it? I do apologize. Life has been hectic but it has also been wonderful. So many new things have been happening. I got my residency visa! HURRAH. And we recently moved into a wonderful little apartment! What a little delight our new home is!

Also summer has finally arrived and I no longer hobble around Finland shivering my butt off. The sun is shining and the leaves are green and the air smells of flowers and freshness! It's been a long wait for this wonderful season, which brings me to my letter for you.

One of the differences between daddy and I (yes, one of the many!) is that he can sleep for hours through a thunderstorm without making a grunt and I awaken at the crack of dawn and then can't go back to sleep. This is a problem for me during the weekends because I feel like one of those little children who wake up at 6am on a Saturday morning and wait ever so eagerly for a sign of life from their parents bedroom. In other words, I'm totally bored. So I impatiently wait for the sound of daddy's alarm. Unlike most people, the sound of that alarm brings me incredible joy because that means....I have someone to play hang out with. One day this will probably be you. But oh the joy! Because now daddy wakes up!

It sounds ridiculous, I know. Spending my whole morning waiting for the sound of that alarm? But I thought that's how most of us spend our lives. Waiting for an alarm. Always waiting for the next big event in life. Waiting for something good to happen. Counting down days. We are basically always living in the past or waiting for the future. How many of us really live in the....now?

When walking down the street do we notice the crispy sound of the leaves we trample? Do we listen to the wind rustling through the trees? Did we thank God for the lunch we just ate? Do we really listen to people when they talk to us or are we so distracted by our own thoughts? Do we take time to hum a small tune as we do our work? Do we take time to say thank you to someone? When we are being kissed, do we feel every emotion, every sensation? Do we notice the worried frowns on the strangers we pass by on the street? Do we taste the food we eat or just gobble it down in a minute?

I am guilty of always looking to the future and not enjoying the now. But a few days back, I have been making a concious effort to enjoy the now. It doesn't mean I never look forward to anything in life. It means that I make 'now' a bigger priority than what may happen in 2 weeks. Life has become so much more meaningful and exciting for me! And what's even better is I have stopped worrying less. Yay!

So enjoy the now, it's all you really have.

Love always,
Mummy

A Woman's Worth.

Hello my darling,

My sweet, precious little girl, one day you will grow up to be a woman. And you will find that being a woman is not the easiest thing. It's a hard life. It's a trying task. It's a challenging road.

Many men have forgotten the worth of a woman. Sadly, so have many women. Today we are treated as cooking and cleaning machines. We are used as a source of entertainment and pleasure. We are disrespected, devalued and unappreciated. We are like an accessory on a man's arm or a perverse image in a man's mind or a guilt stain on a man's heart.

We are constantly compared to corrupted images. We are encouraged to lose whatever diginity and self-respect we have, to please men, to win their love and affection. We are told that the more you show of your body, the more attractive you will be to a man. We are encouraged to be anything other than ourselves. In fact, we have lost ourselves and most of us are running around in the dark trying to figure out who we really are.

And because of all this, you will find it's easy to become bitter as a woman. It's easy to get angry. It's easy to look at men and life and think how unfairly we are treated. How unfair are their expectations on us. You may find, no matter how hard you try, it's sometimes nearly impossible to be appreciated and loved for who you are. And you will find that gradually, because of how men look at us, we start doubting our worth as a woman.

But it is not in their hands that your worth lies. It is in your hands and it is in God's hands. You are a beautiful creation. Before you expect anyone else to know that, you need to know that. And the only comparison you need to make is with God's word. Because when He made you, He made you perfectly. Porn stars are not our standard of beauty, the Bible is. You don't need to take off your clothes to prove you are beautiful. You just are.

And your worth also lies in your ability to be gracious and forgiving. God put a strength in women, that they must use to their advantage. Graciousness. I believe that is why a woman can care for her children. So no matter what men do or say to us, we continue to look at them through the eyes of love. Not because we are weak and helpless. But because we are strong. We are strong enough to CHOOSE to forgive and strong enough to trust again and strong enough to be gracious to them, regardless of their crimes against us. 

We are women. We have incredible worth. We are important in God's eyes and we are loved beyond our capability to understand. We may not have bulging biceps but we have the strongest and most powerful muscle of them all, our heart. With this muscle, we will change the hearts of men and women around the world. We will not do it with shouting and wars and protests.

We will do it with love.

I love you always,
Mummy.

Feel-Good Generation.

Hi baby girl,

Welcome to the Feel-Good Generation.

We are the generation that does what feels good, no matter the cost. We spend our whole lives chasing for that one high, that one moment, that one experience that makes everything else worth it. We run behind superficial happiness, but only because it's easy.  We want the things we can never have. We want the things everyone else has. We are never satisfied with who we are or what we possess. We always want more.

Patience is for losers. We are the super-fast generation. Super fast technology, super fast cars, super fast girls and super fast boys, super fast relationships, super fast noodles. Everything is so fast, that the reality is most of us are trying to keep up. Keep up with the fashion, keep up with the latest trends, we spend our lives keeping up. We're all out of breath but we don't stop for a second to think, we just keep on running.

The motto of our youth is get rich or die trying. Money and sex. The two things that control our lives. We think those two things will complete our lives. Make us happy. Give us peace. Give us status. Give us respect. Oh yeah, we don't earn respect anymore. We demand it. With guns and foul language. By bullying and looking down on people. Women think they gain respect by taking off their clothes. Men think they gain respect by being the man who gets with the most number of women who take off their clothes. We don't respect others, but they must respect us.We don't even respect ourselves anymore, yet we expect others to respect us.

We love to look good on the outside, but we pay no attention to our insides. While our faces are painted with colour and vibrance, our insides are decomposing. There is no room in our lives for compassion and kindness. Why? Because it doesn't benefit us. Why should we bother with it? Everything is about me. I have to look out for myself. I have to succeed. It doesn't matter who I have to hurt or trample on to succeed. This is MY life.

Commitment, honesty, keeping your word, respect, honour, dignity are a thing of the past. They are too old-fashioned. You can't be successful and be honest at the same time. Can you? You must get divorced at least once in your life. You must sleep with as many boys as you can before you get married. You must lust after as many women as you possibly can. You must lie and cheat otherwise you just can't get to the top. It doesn't matter if what you are doing is wrong, as long as it feels good to you. It's ok to walk out on relationships just because you don't feel in love anymore. It's ok to curse at your parents and elders, after all, they are just a bunch of old people. What do they know? It's ok to watch porn cos everyone else does. It's cool to be rebellious and have no respect for authorities.

NO.

Today, I'm taking a stand. I refuse to be a part of this generation. I refuse to accept all the lies and the standards this world has set. Because in my opinion, these are not standards that I want to base my life on.

My standard is Jesus. My standard is the Bible. It's the oldest book and yet the most relevant book. I have found all my answers in this one book.

The Bible tells me to be honest. It tells me to give to the poor. It tells me to protect my body and my mind. It tells me that I have been put on this Earth not just for myself, but to be a blessing to others. It tells me to honour my commitments. It tells me to respect and be kind to everybody regardless of their nationality, religion, cast or creed. It tells me to forgive, not just once but over and over again. It tells me not to lie or cheat. It tells me to honour my parents and elders. It tells me that money should never be my master. It tells me that I am created beautifully, that I don't need to slobber my face with makeup to look attractive. It tells me I must respect the authorities. It tells me to look after the Earth I am placed on, and not pollute it. It tells me God sent His Son to die on MY behalf, even when I didn't deserve such a sacrifice, so I should love others like He loves me, whether I think they deserve it or not.

So that's my standard. I believe in a new generation. A generation that is cured of this 'Feel-Good' disease. A generation that is consumed with real love, not with superficial, feel-good love. A generation that is kind and honest and seeking to do the right thing always, especially when it's hard. A generation that is respectful and a generation that seeks to find the best in everyone. A generation who gives and not hoards. A generation whose motto is 'Unselfish to the Core'

That's the generation I long to see. The generation I want you, my little angel, to be part of. So it starts with me. I'm going to live differently, and hope and pray that others will see and others will follow.

Because after all, it takes just one tiny matchstick to start a forest fire. So wherever you are, be that little matchstick.

Love you muchly,
Mummy

Far Too Kind.

Hi my baby girl,

First of all, if you were here, you would LOVE today's weather. Just gorgeous! With the sun and the blue sky and snow and frisky air...gorgeous!

it's so BLUE!

But today something very sweet happened. I just wanted to share it with you because it reminded me of an important lesson, which us humans tend to forget so easily.

Today I was walking for a meeting to my office and I was focusing very intently on where I stepped because now the roads are quite slippery and I did not desire to fall. So I was walking when I saw this fairly elderly lady walking towards me so I smiled at her and she smiled at me and said 'Hei'. My heart leaped up inside of me with joy because for months and months I have been trying to smile at people on the street here and for my 8 months here, maybe one or two people smiled back. Glum, I know. I would tell daddy, I am going to get people to smile at me!! I was determined! And she smiled!! And then I was walking more and ANOTHER gentleman smiled at me and said something inaudible but who cares! He smiled too!!

Now you are probably wondering what is the big deal here. Two random people on the street smiling at you. But here in Finland, it just doesn't happen that often. I come from Sri Lanka where everyone is smiling at each other and whistling at girls on the street and laughing at random people. So I miss that!!

And then I thought about kindness. Their little smiles brought me so much joy. I don't know why, but it did. I was smiling like an idiot the whole way to my meeting. They probably don't know what an impact they had on me, but I was quite grateful to God for our short encounters.

It made me think more about the impact my actions have on others. Am I too busy to be kind to people? Am I too absorbed in my own life and my own problems to be unselfish for a few seconds to smile at someone? Or give them a small compliment? Or just check up on how they are doing? What impact am I having on people? How is my life touching others?

Because the reality is, everyone is busy. I don't know what we are doing so much, but somehow we are always busy. Busy getting rich, mostly. So busy that we have forgotten to be kind to others. Especially the people we don't know or won't benefit us in anyway. Also we are scared to be kind to people. What if they take advantage of us? We never have time for others. We are far too busy thinking of ourselves. Even if someone is writhing in pain on the floor, we don't have time to stop and help or we are too scared to get involved. Let someone else take care of it. No.

I like to take my example of living from Jesus. The kindest man I know. He hung out with the rejects in society. Showed them love. He gave to the poor. He went out of His way to be kind to people, no matter how tired He was. He encouraged people. He gave them hope and life. He gave people second chances. He didn't judge people the way society did. Eventually, He gave up His life on a cross for the very people who pinned Him to it.

I want to be like that. I want you to be like that. Kind to the core. I never want to be too busy to care about people. To smile at strangers. To encourage those who are down. To pray for those who need it. To push down the walls that people have built up because they are scared to let people in. To tell others about how much Jesus loves them. To bake a cake for someone else. To send a text or message to someone telling them I'm thinking of them. I never want you to be too busy for those things also. These are small things, but important things. And it doesn't matter if anybody notices or you feel it's insignificant. What matters is you do it with the right attitude of being a blessing to somebody else.

Be kind, my darling. Someone else needs it today.

Love mummy

"Look at me"

Hey baby girl,

I remember when I was a kid I went with some friends to this amusement park. And we were on this ride which just went round and round and it got faster and faster. But all it did was go round. And somewhere in the middle of it, I started feeling sick in my stomach. And I was wondering what is the point of this? Why am I even on this ride? I just wanted to jump off but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t stop. And I remember someone saying, don’t close your eyes and don’t look around just look at the ground. You will feel better. And strangely, I did.

And some mornings I wake up, and I ask myself the same question. Why am I living? Why am I here? Because some days it’s easy to forget the reason. Some days it’s easier to close my eyes again and hide in bed. Some days I hear only silence and echoes. Some days I just want to go back home. Some days I just want to scream and cry but I don’t have enough energy. Some days I just need someone to tell me that I’ll make it through. Some days I need hope.

And on those days, I’m tempted to close my eyes. I’m tempted to give up and walk away. But then I hear this still, small voice saying, “Don’t close your eyes. Don’t look around you. Look at me.” And in those moments, He gives me the patience and the grace to live that day and the day after that. He reminds me He loves me. He reminds me my life is not just for me. He reminds me that there are more broken souls to be touched, more broken hearts to be fixed. He reminds me that He is always here with me.

So when you feel tempted to give up or run away, look at Jesus.

I love you…

Mummy

P.S:- one of my favourite songs.

Blame God, shall we?

Hi baby girl,

Today I want to talk to you about something that is very close to my heart. It's something that troubles me about today's world.

People have little respect for their environment. They feel like it's ok to just throw rubbish on the street or cut down forests or dump oil into the seas or kill innocent animals. They feel like this is our earth, we can do whatever we please with it. They have no respect and no genuine love for the earth they live on. It makes me sad.

We treat the Earth like this and when nature reacts aggressively against us as a result of our foolish actions, the first thing we do is turn around and blame God. God brought this Tsunami. God caused these earthquakes. God is making this drought and millions of people are dying. God caused poverty. God is responsible for Global Warming. God is responsible for this boo boo on my thumb.

NO. We are.

We polluted the earth and the seas. We cut down the trees. We brought about global warming which is the simple reason for these strange weather conditions globally. We are corrupt and evil. Instead of using our financial resources to end hunger around the world, we spend excessive amounts of money to buy 5 cars and 3 houses and about 15 designer hand-bags. We spit our chewing gums out of our car windows. We use a million cans of hair spray for a year. We waste food. We just drop our used cigarettes on the road. We chuck our finished bag of chips on the street. WE are responsible. Not God.

But it's so much easier to blame someone else, isn't it? So let's blame God, shall we? I mean after all, He could stop all of this right? NO. When God created this Earth, He set some laws. One law was 'What you sow, you reap' So you can't sow a potato seed and reap a banana tree. Doesn't work like that. So you can't start dumping oil into the sea and expect birds and fish not to die. Our actions have consequences, no matter how big or small they may be. It's not God's responsibility to clean up our mess. Too often we hand over our responsibilities to God and get mad when nothing happens. We need to grow up.

The two things God asked Adam and Eve to do was 1. Be fruitful and multiply and 2. TAKE CARE OF THE EARTH. He asked of only 2 things and we couldn't even do that.

No. I'm tired of this irresponsibility. We can't change how other people treat the Earth.We can only change how we treat our Earth. So we must be different. God gave us Earth as a gift, to take care of it. We can't destroy it any more.

So, as you grow older into an adult you will learn to protect your environment and encourage those around you to do the same. If you throw rubbish, let it only be in a bin, not on the street. If you see a piece of paper on the floor, pick it up and put it in a bin, even if it's not your piece of paper. Don't keep the water running while you brush your teeth. Save electricity. Love animals. You may not be able to stop people from dumping oil or toxic waste into the sea, but try and do your part. Do whatever YOU can no matter how small or insignificant you may think it is. That's what's important. If everyone did their small part, things would be easier. Our planet could be cleaner.

I love you. I only want you to have the best this world could offer. So I need to do my part to protect this Earth so that you could have the same opportunities I did to enjoy the beauty of this Earth.


Love always,

Mummy

Mummy & Daddy are tree-huggers <3

Valentine Shmalentine.

Hi baby girl,

First of all, I love you.

Secondly, today is ‘Valentine’s Day’. Another pointless day people celebrate by spending ridiculous amounts of money, stuffing their faces with little balls of diabetes, getting wasted and all in the name of showing that someone ‘special’ that they love them. This is one day that disgusts me the most. Why?

Firstly, if someone is really special to you, why are we dedicating just one day of the year to show them our true, deep feelings? Why not lavish them with your love every day of the year? Why not have candle-lit dinners every night? Why just today?

And then it got me thinking about the age we live in where the whole meaning of love has been disillusioned and corrupted by sex, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the moronic reality shows we follow.

We are taught to ‘follow our heart’ and we are told that ‘it’s ok if we can’t help how we feel’ or that ‘it’s ok to fall out of love’. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It’s almost 'cool'. And somehow everyone has gotten very comfortable with this cycle.

I want you to remember this. Listen to me carefully. Choose the man you are going to marry with wisdom and obedience to God’s voice. Don’t just marry a man because he pulls the chair out for you or holds doors open for you or because he calls you beautiful. Don’t marry a man because he is good-looking or has a super fit body. Don’t marry a man because he has a similar taste in music. All of those shallow things could fade. Marry a man because after seeking God’s face, He gives you the peace and assurance in your heart that this is the man you must spend the rest of your life with. And also marry a man who loves Jesus with all of his heart.

After that, no matter what obstacles come your way, you don’t give up. Why? Because you made a promise to him and to God. There are going to be days you don’t ‘feel’ like you’re in love. It’s not going to ALWAYS be sunshine and ponies. Some of those quirky little traits about him will become simply annoying. Some days you won’t have anything to talk about. He may not always open doors and pull out chairs for you. He may be insensitive some days. He may not call you beautiful all the time. He may betray your trust. He may not meet your expectations. There are going to be days you are going to want to walk out and quit. There are days when your 'heart' tells you to give up 'cos it's pointless. But you don’t. Because you made a promise. We live in a generation that doesn’t keep their word. But you must be different. If there is only one promise you make in your life, let it be this and then keep it until you die.

You don’t follow your heart. You follow through with the promise you made to your partner.

People don’t fall out of love. They just choose to stop loving the other person when things become too difficult or uncomfortable.

You can help how you feel. This is how you do it. You write down how you feel. Whether it’s pain, anger, betrayal, sorrow, grief, jealousy, distrust, hopelessness, despair, fear and the list goes on. And next to that you write down what you need to do and what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love and then you do it, regardless of how you feel. That is what honouring a commitment means.

And this is the most important thing to remember. You can look at the other person and complain about how much he has changed. But I can guarantee you this. You changed first. This is something I as a wife struggled to accept at first. I can’t change daddy. I can only change myself. He is not responsible for my happiness. I am. In fact, the more I focused on changing myself and less on changing him, he and I were both so much happier.

And remember, marriage or any relationship is not a tit-for-tat game. You don’t love someone because they love you. You love someone because you choose to love that person. If we only loved people because they loved us…well, there will be days we won’t find anyone to love. The same goes for all other qualities, like trust, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement and the list goes on.

I am blessed to have daddy. He is not a perfect man (thank God for that!) but he is absolutely perfect for me and I only pray and hope that you find a prince like daddy :) After all, we only want the best for you!

But remember, love is not a fairytale. It is nothing like the movies. In fact, it’s even more beautiful and significant. It’s something that takes years to perfect and it requires commitment, not feelings. So remember these little words of wisdom, I have shared with you. Because one day when you are down in a pit of despair, they might give you some hope.

We love you!

Big cuddles,

Mummy

P.S.: This is such a beautiful song, enjoy :)

How I Met Your Father.

Hi my baby girl,

So I probably should have started all my letters by telling you this important story but oh well. Here it is now.

How I met your father.

If you haven’t gathered it by now, your dad is from Finland and I’m from Sri Lanka. So we are from two very different ends of the earth, two very different cultures. He lives in an igloo, while I live in a furnace. He is white and I am…chocolatay.

September 2007. I remember the first day I saw your dad and his family. It was in 2007 at Church in Sri Lanka. They had just come to our church and had started working in Sri Lanka and I was leaving our church because I was moving to Malaysia to do my degree. I noticed 4 white heads in the sea of brown people and I remember thinking, ‘I wonder who the new-comers are’ But that was all the thought I gave them at that time.

I left to uni, had a ball of a time there and in the summer of 2009, I came back to Sri Lanka for a holiday and it was also the 2^nd time I met your dad. 

September 2009. The youth in our church happened to go to the beach for the day. There were about 6 of us and it wasn’t hard to notice the quiet, shy white boy seated at the back of the van. I remember getting into the van and smiling at your dad and saying hi. The first thought I had when I looked into his eyes was , “He seems kind”

So we spent the day out and I tried, I really did try, to talk to him and make him feel more welcome in the group. What I didn’t know were that Finns are extremely shy when you first meet them. So for every question I asked, he gave me a one word answer. And after that I just gave up thinking, “Man, this boy is ruuuuude” But that wasn’t the case, at all!

A few days after our beach encounter, he added me on facebook (ah, what would we do without facebook?) But I went to uni and I forgot about him and he forgot about me. Time passed on and the following few months were both difficult months for both of us as individuals. It was a time in our lives when God was cleaning us from the inside out, getting rid of bad habits and getting us ready for something. We just didn’t know what. Also I had been praying since June 2009 for the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. I wrote down a list of the qualities of the man I would like to marry and I brought it before God every day. What I didn't know was that God was actually working on that list!

10^th December 2009. Daddy randomly writes on my wall on facebook. At first I was thinking, “Ok no boy just ‘randomly’ writes on a stranger’s wall. So either he is flirting or he is crazy” I actually told this to one of my friends in uni. And this was 2 days before I was to come back to Sri Lanka for the Christmas holidays. In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to go back for those holidays but I think God had a secret plan ;)

So I decided to write back to him even though I thought he may be crazy and we actually started talking about pretty normal things. We would talk nearly every day and we got very close in a short period of time. What I loved most about talking to daddy was that we talked about important things. We talked about God, the Bible, life, love, music, our pasts, our weaknesses and strengths, our dreams, our desires for the future. And it was funny because he liked another girl, and I liked another boy but God somehow managed to erase everyone else from our minds in that short period of time. And the more we talked, the more I realized, 'hey I like this boy's heart!'

However, in my mind, I was thinking I would only date this boy if there was a chance of getting married to him, but it seemed too much of a risk to take. Where would we both live? How would we learn to live with all our differences? I had all these questions in my mind so I would pray about that and share my woes with God, hoping for a sign. I even remember joking with daddy while talking saying, ‘Hey wouldn’t it be easy if the man I was to marry had a big heart or a sign on his forehead or body saying I’M THE ONE!!’ And then a few days later the youth went out to a waterpark and we were hanging out in the wavepool when I noticed a sunburn on daddy’s chest in the exact shape of a heart. I quietly freaked out on inside :D But of course, I needed more than that to know if this was from God or not!

4^th January 2010. My grand holiday in Sri Lanka had come to an end and I was planning to head back to Malaysia for my final and most crucial semester before I graduated. 2 hours before I had to leave to airport, your father tells me he likes me. Now what do I do?? So I gave him no answer. Instead I told him, I like you but God needs to tell me for sure if this relationship is His will or not. So we both agreed that we would spend one week without any kind of communication and we will pray especially regarding this matter.

So that’s what we did. But before that, we agreed to talk to both our parents. I was NERVOUS. I very sneakily wrote an email to my parents explaining the situation. I remember on that list of qualities I presented to God each day, I told God that one condition I need is that my father has to say yes on the first time I ask him. I wouldn’t need to beg or try very hard to convince him, because God needs to talk to Him. My parents read the email and they just said, ‘ok we will pray too’

9^th January 2010. This was the first day we spoke after praying. God had spoken to daddy and God had spoken to me and we decided, yes. Even though it doesn’t make sense to us, God gave us the peace in our hearts and in the hearts of our parents and we knew that if we entrusted our relationship to God, instead of trying to figure everything out on our own, this relationship would stand through every storm and turmoil. And baby, so many people said so many negative things to us to discourage us, but you must remember, the only opinion that counts is that of God's and of course your parents. No matter what you do or go through, use the word of God and His voice to lead, guide and mold your steps. Not the opinions of the world or friends or anyone :)

We have been together for over 2 years and we have been married for nearly 8 months and though it has not always been easy, it has been a blessed time together and we can’t wait to grow old together and mostly, we can’t wait to see you and hold you and love you!

some pictures throughout the years <3

Any kind of wisdom that I can give to you, my precious, from my experiences is this. Let God choose your husband for you. He will only choose the best and the finest man for you. Until then, don’t get distracted by other boys who will only damage your heart and body. Listen to the voice of your Father in Heaven and let Him guide you to the right boy. Keep your eyes on the prize and guard your beautiful heart. Give it only to the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. And yes, you may feel like you have to wait forever, but wait. It’ll be worth every single second!

I love you my baby girl. I only want to see you happy and safe.

Love and cuddles,

Mummy

Winter Wonderland.

Hey baby girl,

Mummy's bestfriend, Priscilla, came to Finland. WEEE!! And here are some fun memories from January 2012 :) I hope they make you smile :)

Love,
Mummy

P.S. Music : Everything's Magic by Angels & Airwaves

My 2011 (Part 2 - Finland)

Hey baby girl,

So I have started this letter many times and failed to finish writing it. I guess it has been hard and emotional to write this. Probably as it has been few of the hardest months in my life. So here I go, this time I hope I can finish it.

I landed in Finland on the 7^th of July 2011. It was summer and it was beautiful. My first few hours in Finland were like some sort of dream. I hadn’t quite realized what has happened. A part of me was sad, a part of me was excited. I just didn't know what to feel or think exactly.

The first few weeks were both fun and stressful for me. I had a great summer here. It was absolutely beautiful nature and so much to do and so many lovely things to eat! It was also lovely meeting Daddy’s family and friends. But meeting so many new people and trying to remember their faces and names was also quite stressful. And to add to that Daddy and I didn’t have a home so we lived from suitcases for a month. We didn’t have any idea of what we were going to do, where we were going to live, how we were going to support ourselves. Everything was left open for us and it was a little scary.

But the hardest part was people didn’t speak English here. So I felt thoroughly excluded from conversations. Everyone kept telling me to learn Finnish but what they didn’t realize was you can’t learn Finnish in 2 weeks. It’s one of the hardest languages to learn and I was scared that for months and months and maybe years, I would be the silent observer in ever conversation. I was also scared that I would not be able to make new friends because I wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone. But more about that later.

So having nothing except two suitcases, we prayed. Within a month, God gave us a beautiful little apartment in such a convenient location. He blessed daddy with a job in the same week! And life got started for us...

It was scary for me being a new wife. I was in a new country so things were quite unfamiliar. It's not easy being newly married and moving to a new place and having to learn so much in such little time. I didn’t know how to cook or bake. And to make things worse, in the grocery store, nothing is in English. So God and Google Translator were my best friends. And I remember telling God, “Ok Juho is going to come home from work today and I need to put some dinner on the table. What do I do??” But step by step, God helped me. I remember the fear I experienced as Daddy had his first bite of the garlic chicken I made for dinner for the first time by myself. He survived ;) Little by little, God taught me how to cook and bake, run a house and helped me adjust into my role as a wife. God is the best and most patient teacher you will find. Remember that.

But from here things started going downhill. Daddy would work very long hours. Sometimes he would leave home at 6am and come back by 10pm. And all this time, I was alone at home. I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have friends, I didn’t have family. I became very lonely. I would cry out to God asking Him, “WHY did you bring me to this place? I am just wasting away in this country. What do You want me to do here??”  Many times I would reach out to the phone to call my parents to ask them to book me a ticket back home, but every single time God said, “No. I have a plan and a purpose for your life. Don’t look back.”

I was sinking further and further into depression until after about 2 or 3 months of feeling sorry for myself I decided, NO from today I am going to surrender to God’s will. I made a decision that I am not going to complain about being in Finland or being alone. Because I am not alone. God is right here with me. I decided to love Finland, love Finnish and love Finns. I made a choice that I was not going to waste time being sad, instead I would make the best of this situation. And after all, if God brought me here, God will take me through!

I started by praying for a job. Everyone told me, you can’t speak Finnish and therefore you won’t get a job. Within 2 weeks, I got a job. I work in English and I can work from home and my boss is such a lovely person. And it was a miracle because my boss was praying for an assistant at the same time I was praying for a job!

I started praying for a church. There was an English and Finnish church we attended on and off but I felt like God asking us to join the Finnish church full-time. It didn’t make sense to me as the whole service is in Finnish and I couldn’t understand a thing. But Daddy and I obeyed God and joined the Finnish church. The moment we joined they invited us to join the worship team and help out with the youth. I was scared because how would I communicate with people? But they were so kind-hearted and caring that even though they would usually speak in Finnish, because I was there, they conducted their meetings in English too, even thought it was hard for everyone else. I felt so loved and part of their family. I led worship at our youth night and I sang in Finnish! I was SO nervous ‘cos I had no idea of what I was singing but it was still awesome to worship God in another language. Now this week I will be teaching at the youth night, in English! Yeah, God is good! And not only our church but He also opened so many doors for Daddy and I to minister in many other churches around Finland.

I then started praying for friends and God brought so many lovely people into my life. Not only that, He made it possible for my parents to visit Finland during Christmas and even for my bestfriend to come visit Finland!!

And finally, the greatest miracle. I was struggling to learn Finnish. At first, I was angry at the people around me because they were speaking in Finnish and it seemed like nobody cared I was in the room and I couldn’t understand. So I told God, ‘No. I am going to speak Finnish fluently before the end of 2012’ And you will not believe how much my Finnish has improved! It’s not perfect but I was able translate quite abit for my bestfriend here when people speak to her in Finnish. I can literally hear the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear what people are saying around me.

These last 6-7 months have been hard but also I have learned many things. We are never alone. God is always with us and if we let Him, He can move mountains around us. He had to break me first though. I had to surrender to Him. That was the hardest part, but I’m glad it happened. Cos I learned to depend on Him more and less on myself. I learned to change my attitude first, before the situation around me changed. And most of all, I learned to be brave and face challenges instead of run away from them!

And now instead of complaining about what I lost or don’t have, I thank God for what I do have. An amazing husband who has been so supportive all the way, a loving and caring family, a great church with a big heart, wonderful friends, a job I love doing and of course, the ability to speak and understand some Finnish.

God is good, baby girl. Trust in Him and He will never let you down.

….and that concludes, my 2011! 2012 is going to be even greater!

Love you always and I’m waiting for you,

Mummy

My 2011 (Part 1- Sri Lanka)

Hey baby girl,

So it’s 2012!!! A new year! It seems like I blinked and then 2011 flew by so fast.

2011 was a big year for mummy & daddy. A lot of changes and a lot of decisions and big steps were taken. So I’d like to run you through our 2011 in a very big nutshell. This is going to be long, so don’t fall asleep reading this one ;)

The start of the year was somewhat undecided. There were so many decisions to make. I was only 21 and in a few weeks I had to decide what my whole year and possibly my future was going to look like. I was really scared. At that time, mummy and daddy had prayed and with God’s peace, we decided we wanted to get married in June. We told our parents and after the initial heart attacks, they prayed too and agreed! Hurah!

Now came the next steps. What were we going to do after our wedding? I wanted to live in Sri Lanka. I had just got back from Malaysia about 6 months ago and I didn’t want to leave to a new country so soon! I was determined NOT to go to Finland!! I didn’t know the language, I wouldn’t be able to work, I didn’t know anyone there, daddy wouldn’t have a job, we didn’t have a house, we didn’t have money and basically we didn’t have anything! So, no, I’m not going to Finland.

We started looking for apartments and jobs for me and daddy in Sri Lanka. Every time we walked into a place, I felt God saying, no. I was getting more and more frustrated. Until one day, my mummy and her friend was praying and God gave them a vision. And my mummy comes home and tells me, “You have to go to Finland. That’s what God wants from you” I think I felt like my legs melting into the ground. My heart breaking slowly and all hope vanishing. And then to make it worse, my daddy says the same thing!

But I love God. I knew He doesn’t just say things. So I went back and with a downcast heart, I prayed. I asked Him what He wanted from me. Sometime that week, I had a dream. I was walking through a desert and it was dry and sandy. Suddenly from no where your daddy follows me in to the desert and immediately snow started falling. I got startled in the dream and I started running and this time I ran into a garden with pretty flowers. Then your daddy ran into the same garden and AGAIN snow started falling. I started running until I could run no more but there was still snow. Then I turned around and ran to your daddy and when we held hands, the snow turned back into that beautiful garden. At that moment, I knew what God was telling me. You can’t run away from His plan for you. His plan is perfect and He always thinks of what’s best for us, even if we can’t see it that way at first. So guess what, I told your daddy, we are going to Finland!

So now starts the wedding planning. My goodness that in itself is a tremendous task. And then your daddy informs me that he is going to Finland for 3 months before our wedding. I was like WHAT?! But then we both felt that it’s best if he goes to work in Finland for a few months and prepare the way for when we move there in July. He also had to do his entrance exams for Uni. I knew this was the wisest thing to do, but inside I was scared. I would have to plan this wedding alone. But I thank God for my wonderful parents and family and friends who did help. Especially my mother. If not for her, I don’t know what I would have done.

But nevertheless, those 3 months were very hard for me. I had to prepare myself mentally that I would have to leave my home again and this time I don’t know when I would be coming back. I fell very sick in-between. I was missing your daddy. I was exhausted as I was juggling work, driving classes, wedding planning and of course, trying to soak in the last bits of Sri Lanka as I could! I would go to sleep crying most nights because I felt like I couldn’t leave my family again or I wasn’t ready for Finland. Time went on like this, but through it all, God was there with me. He was my only true friend and companion. Every time I was about to give up, He would miraculously pick me up and keep me going. And I say that to encourage you, baby girl. He will be your closest and most faithful friend. Remember that!

Those 3 months passed and in those 3 months, the wedding got planned, I worked at an amazing place with such a wonderful and encouraging boss, I passed my driving test (HURAH!), your daddy came back (DOUBLE HURAH!) and finally, the arrival of our wedding day! The only thing I wanted from our wedding was that not only daddy & I would be blessed but our beloved friends and family would have something to take away from it. And I believe God answered our prayers in some ways!

We got married, had a lovely honeymoon and the days grew closer for us to leave to Finland. It was hard. I forced myself not to cry in front of my family or friends. Only daddy knows the sorrow I carried inside. But to say bye to my parents at the airport was heart-breaking! Nevertheless, I had to do it! We boarded the plane and together, daddy and I set off to face new challenges….

Tomorrow I will finish this letter for you…I will tell you about the next 6 months of my life in Finland in my next letter. But for now let me tell you the few things I have learned through all of this.

Be obedient to God. Face challenges, do not run away from them. Don't ever give up.

I love you always and forever.

Love,

Mummy

Pictures from our first 6 months of 2011