'How can YOU not see it?'

Good morning, my darling...

So I work on Saturdays. I find that most tiresome and at first, I would complain about it and whine about it and oh poor me, working on the weekend.

However, today in the morning when I was talking to God, I asked Him to help me see things differently. To open my eyes to the things I have missed before. And you know how people say that God takes forever to reply their questions or answer their requests? I guess we just ask the wrong question and ask for the wrong things because He worked lightening fast with my request.

So I was in my little trishaw on the way to work, when I learned 3 beautiful lessons. I like to call it being schooled in a Trishaw.

1.      The Garbage Truck

So we passed by the garbage truck on the way to work and, oh my word, it seriously stunk. Garbage trucks in Sri Lanka look like this. And there are about 5 or 6 men in that truck. They shout ‘kunuuuuuu’ at the top of their voice which means ‘garbage’ in Sinhala and they slowly make their way down the street picking up garbage from all the houses. Now just driving past that truck made me feel sick because of the stench, but imagine having to stay with that truck the whole day? I immediately felt so much gratitude towards those men who did that for us. And on top of that, I felt so much shame for complaining about me having to work on Saturday. How dare I complain when there are people out there who have much more challenging jobs in much more challenging environments. 

Note to myself: Someone, somewhere, is having a much worse day than me. Thus, I must over myself. 

2.      The Mother that Waits

And then I passed this school and I saw a lot of women sitting outside in the sun, waiting. At first I was wondering, why are these women sitting out here for?? And then I realized, they are waiting for their daughters to finish classes. Ok, so for some people this may be hard to understand, but it’s not a safe world anymore for young girls. Especially in a country like Sri Lanka, where you can’t get into a bus or train or even walk on the road without some ignorant man groping you or passing crude remarks. If I had a daughter, I would be mortified to send her alone anywhere after what I have seen and experienced. And I realized that most of those women have probably brought their young daughters to school and wait for them to finish and bring them back home, because maybe it’s too much of a distance for them to go and come back later to pick them up. And inside of me, my heart welled with pride and gratitude. Proud of these amazing women who don’t mind sitting out there in the sun waiting for their children, simply because they want to make sure their daughters get home safely. But that’s what parents do for their kids. They sacrifice for them. And in that moment, I just thanked God from the bottom of my heart for MY parents who have sacrificed more than I even know. Many times I have not even appreciated it, but I just really thanked God for them and blessed them for all they did for me. I truly hope and pray that I can do the same and more for you, my precious.  

Note to myself: If I can’t sacrifice, I can’t love. And if I can’t love, then…I might as well dig a hole and stick my head in it. Like an ostrich.

3.      Watch Out for the Humps!

Everyday my trishaw driver complains that he has to keep fixing his trishaw. I am not surprised because of how he drives over humps and potholes as if his trishaw is Super Bunny or something. It’s almost like he is blind. Seriously. And I was quietly asking God, ‘HOW can this man not see that his trishaw keeps breaking down because of how reckless and ignorant his driving is?? HOW can he not see that? WHY won’t he just slow down a bit?’ And God asked me ‘HOW can you not see that the lack of appreciation and gratitude in your life causes yourself and your relationships to hurt? How can YOU not see that? WHY don’t you slow down a bit to hear my voice and follow My lead?’ You know it is God speaking to you when He answers your question with another question!

            Note to myself: Be still. Be patient. Always be thankful. Always.

            2^nd note to myself: Get the trishaw driver some glasses.

So now here I am work, happy as a beetle. Looking forward to what this day brings. Looking around me for more things to learn.

So I encourage you, my love. Don’t settle for a routine. There are always new things to learn, new things to experience and new things to work on in our lives.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (NLT)

I love you.
Mummy

The Little Things

Dear Darling,

Everyday on my way to work I pass by this house. There's nothing really special about this house, except for an old, fat, lazy-looking Dalmatian who sleeps on the porch. For the first few days I saw him, I always thought to myself, 'That dog needs some exercise!' And I noticed that over the days every time I turned down that road, I would sort of be looking forward to pass that house so I could see this Dalmatian. Sometimes I would even panic, 'Have I missed the house already??' and then I would be calmer once we actually did pass the house and I would see the sleepy doggy lazily lounged on the porch. Today I realized how much excitement it brought me to pass that house!

I was thinking to myself, 'What is wrong with me?!' Have I become so lame that a random dog in a random house excites me? Ha.

But I realized, THIS is life. People wait their whole life for big things to happen. Big adventures. Big surprises. Big gestures. Big jobs. Big parties. Big money. Big everything. And we miss the small, tiny things that pass by us everyday. I guess that's why a lot of people are unhappy or unsatisfied.

That dog is not even my dog, but he brings me joy. In fact, I don't even know if he is a boy. Nevertheless, I shall call him Pumba and he shall be my Pumba. *smirk*

I encourage you, look around you for the little, simple things that can change your life, bring you joy and make everyday less monotonous. Purposely find little things to be grateful for.

 

Here is a list of little things I am grateful for today:

1. I managed to open my water bottle without spilling it's entire contents on myself
2. Today when I got to work I didn't have to stand outside the gate for 20min, like I usually do because unlike other days, the dude who opens the gate, came before me. Yay.
3. Daddy & I successfully finished our little Bible reading plan on marriage
4. The Sun. Anyone who has lived in Finland, will relate.
5. My boss appears to be in a good mood. He even smiled.
6. I'm having a good hair day. Sort of.
7. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, family and a crazy bunch of friends!
8. I am not a duck.

So again, "enjoy the little things in life for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things"

Love you muchly,
Mummy 

'Get Over It, Kid'

Dear baby girl,

There are those days that you wake up and the first word on your lips is ‘Why?’ Or those moments you want to ‘facepalm’ everyone around you. A polite way of speaking, if I may. There are days when feeling unappreciated or undervalued is an understatement. Or those moments when the constant conflict and chaos around you tend to wear you out. There are days when there is not enough love, not enough joy and not enough warmth around you to refuel your broken spirit. There are days when you are well and truly stuck with no hope of escape or deliverance. There are moments of pure loneliness that no earthly being could fix. 

And on those days you know what I do?

I pat myself on the head and tell myself ‘Get over it, kid’

‘Cos life is too wonderful. Life is too short. Life is too precious.

Sooo...

Love,

Mummy   

'God, why did You let me wake up today?'

Hello my love,

It's been awhile, I know. I can't really say why I haven't written earlier but there is some finality in writing things down. And especially when things are difficult it's hard to acknowledge them.

These last few weeks, I've been feeling like a tiger. Ever seen those tigers in the zoo in cages?Restlessly pacing up and down. Well, that was me. A restless tiger.

For awhile now, life has felt like a cage. I wake up every morning, open my eyes and the first question I ask is, 'God why did you let me wake up today? Why.' And then I would while the hours away until I lay in bed again to sleep and wake up the next morning and ask the same question. I had forgotten how to laugh or how to look forward to things. I had lost the joy of simple, beautiful things.

Now this feeling of unsatisfaction has been ever growing. Unsatisfaction of the lack of opportunities for me in this country and the struggle to find a job because I don't know the language or the struggle to just keep going on and I believe this last week was the worst for me. I got tired of it and I quit.

I told God I've had it. I hate it that He brought me here. And I'm tired of wasting my life away sitting at home when I have so much potential and so many dreams that I want to fulfill so WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE BAKING BROWNIES ALL DAY LONG? Believe me, I was angry when I had this conversation with God. 'Cos it seemed like I've been asking the same questions for the last 15 months with no apparent answer. And I was exhausted.

And so it was our youth night. 5 minutes before we left home I sat on the ground with daddy and quietly I asked God, 'What am I doing? You want me to go and lead worship and preach when I can barely lift my head up right now? You want me to smile and be joyful when all I want to do is scream and cry and run away? You want me to tell them there is hope when I feel so hopeless right now?' and it's funny when God does answer because it's at the most unusual times. For all I heard Him say was, 'Yes I do.' Sigh.

So that's what I did. I picked up my guitar. Closed my eyes. And sang my guts out to God, forgetting about everything that wasn't going right. Daddy and I preached from our hearts. And at the end of the night, as I was walking home, this strange peace came upon me. The incomprehensible understanding which I maybe once had and lost. The realization that THIS is why I'm here. To give. To build. To invest in the lives of young people. That my existence here is not in vain, it is purposed. It is willed. It is for the best. And then at that moment, my agendas, my plans, my wants, my desires, my dreams, my ideas don't matter.

For I live for His dream. I live for His purpose. I live for His plan.

And nothing else in this life, could ever satisfy.

So in those moments when everything seems pointless and nothing makes sense and you are restless, frustrated and angry...look to God and His purpose for your life and you will find that everything starts to make sense and you find that you are exactly where you belong!

Love,
Mummy