Soul Detox

To my baby girl,

You know that feeling when you get home after a long, tiring day and you have a nice warm shower, wear some nice perfume and just sit there smelling nice and feeling clean and refreshed? I LOVE that feeling. It's honestly one of the nicest feelings in the world. And it left me with the thought, how often do we do this with our souls?

During our lives we fill our souls with many things. We fill it with images and sounds and feelings and memories and not all of the things we fill it with are healthy. In fact, we underestimate the power of our souls. We underestimate how important the condition of our soul is for a healthy, happy and purposeful life.

Our soul is like a plant. If we give it enough sunlight, water and nutrients, it will grow and live long and live happily. If all we do is pour mass amounts of toxins on it, it will die.

So I sat down and I asked myself, what am I feeding my soul with? I took a REALLY good look at the things I was injecting into my life and I decided to make some radical changes.

The first thing that came in to my mind was music. Music for the soul they say. Music has a very strange way of creeping into your soul and into your head and one day you will be walking down the street humming a tune and then you stop for a second and ask yourself, 'Hey where did that THAT come from?' so I took a good look at the songs that I listened to and the lyrics and message they portrayed. Do I really agree with what I am listening to? Is this artist someone who endorses or opposes my values and beliefs about life and people? If everything this person is saying goes against who I am, then WHY am I listening to it? It's kind of like saying, I will enjoy listening to my boss screaming at me in filth, as long as there is a good beat playing in the background.



The next thing I discarded from my life are movies and tv shows. Entertainment, we call it. I'm someone who LOVES watching movies. It used to be my way of relaxing and destressing. But I took a good long look at what I watch. Almost every single movie or tv show promotes sex outside of marriage, violence, disrespect, revenge, dishonesty, hate, injustice, foul language and twisted family values. You are lucky if you find ONE movie today that you can sit and watch with a 5 year old that will not teach them something bad. And we are fools if we sit and watch them and then walk away thinking 'Yes, I may not agree with that but it's only a movie' All that bad language you just heard, would you accept your 15 year old daughter talking like that at home? If your answer is no, then why do you tolerate a strange man or woman shouting filth into your home through a little box? If your answer is yes, you need to have your head examined. I feel like if I truly care about my soul, and if I have a choice in the matter, I don't want to fill it with images and sounds of everything I speak and stand against.

Eat Up!

Trash belongs in the trash bin.

Personally, one of the biggest changes I made was to quit facebook. I felt like facebook was a deadly parasite. It leached onto you and sucked out your life. It somehow made my perspective very narrow and limited. While many praise facebook for helping people to stay connected and build relationships, I have actually seen it do a lot of damage to relationships. I have heard people say 'It's not official until it's on facebook' And when I hear that I just want to cringe, because of how shallow life has become that even a relationship between a man and a woman is not valid unless it is on facebook. Facebook has just become a means to pry our noses into other people's lives and give opportunities for others to pry their noses into ours. It has stolen a lot of our precious time and has devlaued relationships to the extent that people barely talk anymore. They just poke each other like idiots and 'like' and comment on pictures of us doing lame poses in front of mirrors. It has become an excellent tool for men and women to prey on each other, leaving aside young children. It has also become a convenient sidekick for those who enjoy being unfaithful to their partners. It has become many things over the years and for me, it has become a giant drain on my soul. Some days when I log on to facebook and see the things that come on my homepage, facepalming myself is not enough. I wanted to be free of that curse.



Finally one of the major changes I made in my life was my diet and exercise. Food  and exercise are more for the body, I do agree. But a healthy body definitely contributes towards a healthy soul. And this requires a lot of discipline and the ability to say NO. This is very hard when you live in a country like Sri Lanka, where there is good food everywhere and every lady you meet over the age of 30, the first words that comes out of their mouth are 'eat eat eat'. But you have to learn to say no. I am strongly against starving ones self. You must eat well, but you must also eat healthy and over the last 1 and half months I've been working on disciplining my mind and body so that eventually, I would have a healthy soul. This means waking up a little earlier than usual to workout before going to work or saying no to the super yummy sweets or choosing to eat bran crackers for a snack (which taste like concrete) vs eating chips. All decisions you have to make everyday and consistently. But discipline for the mind, body and soul will take you far in this life.

 Anyway, I have to say life is wonderful. I was telling daddy, I feel like a completely different person. Like someone has dunked me in a big bowl of sunshine and rainbows. I feel light and free. Like nothing is holding me down anymore :)

But I have to say all credit goes to God, who has given me a new start in life. I have been drawing closer to Him now than I have been before and no matter what kind of challenge or circumstance Daddy & I have faced up to this point, He has given us the grace to face them all with our heads lifted high.  

And I leave you with this. Something I found quite alarming when I made the decision to quit facebook, was that SO many people wrote back to me saying 'I admire you for making this decision. I have wanted to quit facebook also but I've never really had the courage to do so' And it made me feel a little sad inside. Not because it had anything to do with facebook, but because I realized that too many people have the power to be free of the things that are holding them down but don't have the courage to. I guess somehow they feel like they might lose a part of themselves which has for many years so strongly defined them. But those very things that they hold on so tightly to, could be the very things that may eventually erode away on their souls and their lives.

So I encourage you, my love, don't allow material and worldly things to define you. Find yourself in Christ. For unlike this world, He never changes. He is rock solid and He is always faithful. Rid yourself and your life of things that will hold you down and things that you don't even agree with. You don't have to carry the burden and pressures and expectations of this world.

Be free. Be young. Be beautiful.

Love,
Mummy

'How can YOU not see it?'

Good morning, my darling...

So I work on Saturdays. I find that most tiresome and at first, I would complain about it and whine about it and oh poor me, working on the weekend.

However, today in the morning when I was talking to God, I asked Him to help me see things differently. To open my eyes to the things I have missed before. And you know how people say that God takes forever to reply their questions or answer their requests? I guess we just ask the wrong question and ask for the wrong things because He worked lightening fast with my request.

So I was in my little trishaw on the way to work, when I learned 3 beautiful lessons. I like to call it being schooled in a Trishaw.

1.      The Garbage Truck

So we passed by the garbage truck on the way to work and, oh my word, it seriously stunk. Garbage trucks in Sri Lanka look like this. And there are about 5 or 6 men in that truck. They shout ‘kunuuuuuu’ at the top of their voice which means ‘garbage’ in Sinhala and they slowly make their way down the street picking up garbage from all the houses. Now just driving past that truck made me feel sick because of the stench, but imagine having to stay with that truck the whole day? I immediately felt so much gratitude towards those men who did that for us. And on top of that, I felt so much shame for complaining about me having to work on Saturday. How dare I complain when there are people out there who have much more challenging jobs in much more challenging environments. 

Note to myself: Someone, somewhere, is having a much worse day than me. Thus, I must over myself. 

2.      The Mother that Waits

And then I passed this school and I saw a lot of women sitting outside in the sun, waiting. At first I was wondering, why are these women sitting out here for?? And then I realized, they are waiting for their daughters to finish classes. Ok, so for some people this may be hard to understand, but it’s not a safe world anymore for young girls. Especially in a country like Sri Lanka, where you can’t get into a bus or train or even walk on the road without some ignorant man groping you or passing crude remarks. If I had a daughter, I would be mortified to send her alone anywhere after what I have seen and experienced. And I realized that most of those women have probably brought their young daughters to school and wait for them to finish and bring them back home, because maybe it’s too much of a distance for them to go and come back later to pick them up. And inside of me, my heart welled with pride and gratitude. Proud of these amazing women who don’t mind sitting out there in the sun waiting for their children, simply because they want to make sure their daughters get home safely. But that’s what parents do for their kids. They sacrifice for them. And in that moment, I just thanked God from the bottom of my heart for MY parents who have sacrificed more than I even know. Many times I have not even appreciated it, but I just really thanked God for them and blessed them for all they did for me. I truly hope and pray that I can do the same and more for you, my precious.  

Note to myself: If I can’t sacrifice, I can’t love. And if I can’t love, then…I might as well dig a hole and stick my head in it. Like an ostrich.

3.      Watch Out for the Humps!

Everyday my trishaw driver complains that he has to keep fixing his trishaw. I am not surprised because of how he drives over humps and potholes as if his trishaw is Super Bunny or something. It’s almost like he is blind. Seriously. And I was quietly asking God, ‘HOW can this man not see that his trishaw keeps breaking down because of how reckless and ignorant his driving is?? HOW can he not see that? WHY won’t he just slow down a bit?’ And God asked me ‘HOW can you not see that the lack of appreciation and gratitude in your life causes yourself and your relationships to hurt? How can YOU not see that? WHY don’t you slow down a bit to hear my voice and follow My lead?’ You know it is God speaking to you when He answers your question with another question!

            Note to myself: Be still. Be patient. Always be thankful. Always.

            2^nd note to myself: Get the trishaw driver some glasses.

So now here I am work, happy as a beetle. Looking forward to what this day brings. Looking around me for more things to learn.

So I encourage you, my love. Don’t settle for a routine. There are always new things to learn, new things to experience and new things to work on in our lives.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (NLT)

I love you.
Mummy

A Good Wife.

To my darling,

I've always been a little confused of the definition of a good wife. There are so many definitions floating around out there and sometimes it's overwhelming and discouraging trying to figure out who I'm supposed to be.

I have to admit, it's easy to become insecure and unsure of yourself as a woman in today's day and age. There are so many false and unrealistic images of the perfect woman or the perfect wife that too many women have forgotten what they are REALLY supposed to be like.

So I went to the one place I always find a sure answer - the Bible. And this is what I found in Proverbs 31...

So at first I was like...dude. That's one amazing woman! It's almost too good to be true! But I took a moment to translate it to today's context...

A good woman is hard to find and is worth more than diamonds,

Her husband can trust her and she doesn't betray his trust

She isn't mean or harsh to him, but gives him her all without holding anything back

She believes in giving her family the best of everything

She doesn't mind going the extra mile to bring her family joy, laughter and excitement

She doesn't sleep away the day and makes sure her family is well cared for

She wakes up each morning with a mission and a purpose

She knows how to save and invest money wisely

She is an enthusiastic worker and doesn't complain about her work

She works hard to maintain a loving and beautiful home

She is compassionate and is always ready to help those in need

She doesn't need to worry about her family because she has prepared in advance for the tough times

She puts her creativity to good use and makes her own money

She may not be a supermodel but she dresses attractively and her joy and positivity make her truly beautiful

She speaks with kindness and wisdom

She is aware of what goes on in her own home and encourages her family to be the best versions of themselves

And above all, she fears God.

The results are pretty obvious. A very happy family.

I remember when your daddy and I first got married, I had absolutely no idea how to cook. In fact, the mere thought of cooking made me lose my appetite. I was never interested in being a 'house-wife'. I always wanted a career and a life filled with excitement and traveling. Staying at home and doing laundry was not part of the plan. But somewhere in the first few months of marriage, God humbled me. He broke my proud heart and through a lot of tough experiences, I learned humility. I learned putting someone else's needs and wants above my own petty ideas. So, I learned to cook. I learned to keep a house, I learned about saving money and most of all, I learned to be unselfish. 

But even today I looked at all those things and thought, 'Wow I have a lot to change within myself if I want to be this kind of woman' Because what I truly desire now, more than a career or my own personal ambitions, is to be a godly woman. A woman that my husband and future kids can look at and say 'Many women have done wonderful things, but you have outclassed them all!' Not because of my cooking or my beauty or any other such thing, but because I fear God and it can be seen in my life.

If you are married, and you want to have a happy marriage, the first question you need to ask yourself is 'What can I do for him?' Too many marriages are focused on 'What can my husband do for me?' or 'What isn't my husband doing for me?' It is quite apparent here that the woman spoken about in this proverb had a very happy husband and children who loved and adored her, so she clearly must be doing something right! It goes without saying that husbands need to do their part too, but I am not responsible for that. I am responsible for doing my part. And I want to do my part very well.

Now don't get discouraged. You don't need to know everything about everything and be super awesome at everything you do. But the key is to try, and to try hard. Always be willing to learn and be courageous. Don't allow the fear of failure to keep you from trying. This is what I drill into my head everyday. I am quite terrible at sewing. In fact, I don't enjoy it at all. If I have a hole in my sock, I do not sew it, I buy a new pair of socks. Ha. But one decision I made after reading this was, I'm going to sew. I'm going to learn somehow and I'm going to do my best to be good at at it and enjoy it. So my first project is sewing daddy and I some bedsheets. But I remember how terrible I was at cooking and baking but with practice and a lot of encouragement, I learned and today I enjoy it ever so much!

So one day,  you too, will be a wife. And while this world tries to trick you into thinking that the happiness of your marriages lies in what your husband does or does not do for you, don't be deceived. You do your best to be the BEST-EST wife you can possibly be! Try and make your weak areas stronger and be humble in your strengths. Love, respect and honour him. Be trustworthy and generous. Work hard to keep yourself healthy and fit and work hard in general. Put your talents to good use and try and learn new things each day. Be diligent in your job and become successful in your career. Cook for your family, encourage your family and be a source of strength and joy to them! Most importantly, have a deep, intimate relationship with your Heavenly Father and let Him mold you and make you into the woman He has created you to be!

I love you, my precious. You inspire me even though you are not yet here. So thank you for that.

Love,

Mummy 

"But You're So Young!"

Hello my darling,

Your father and I have been married for 1½ years now. I was 21 and he was 20 when we got married. And even up to now, I still have people who say to me, 'Why would you get married so young? Why don't you enjoy your life first?'

Even before your father and I started dating, we talked about marriage. I think we both knew that we didn't want to date for the sake of dating. If I was going to date someone, I wanted it to be my future husband. So after a lot of prayer and thought, we started dating and in 9 months we announced our engagement. I can count on my hands the number of people who were supportive of our decision. In other words, there were very few. Some people even had the audacity to ask me if I'm pregnant. As if that was the only sane reason as to why a person should get married. Then others brought up the famous statement, 'You should first enjoy your youth before you get married' As if getting married somehow caused you to age faster and robbed you of your hair and every joy you may ever have.

It made me think a little and I realized what a warped and strange idea people had of marriage. The world has portrayed marriage to appear as some sort of cage. Some form of imprisonment or punishment. Very few people said to me, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man, sharing and enjoying your youth and future with him??' It was more like, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to be stuck with the same man for the rest of your life??'

And it saddened me. Because I have not enjoyed my life as much as I have with your father. It hasn't been all sunshine and ponies, let me tell you that. But I would not trade this life for anything else. For all the 'freedom' in the world. For with him, I am completely free. Free to be myself, free to dream, free to hope, free to be sad and free to be happy. I wake up in the morning to the same person and yes, that is wonderful. Because it reminds me that there is a man on this earth who loves me so much and whether it be good or bad days, he has chosen and promised to be by my side. And all those things that people thought I would miss out on? Not only have I not missed out on anything, I've even had my bestfriend with me to laugh and cry through it all. It doesn't get any better than that.

So why am I writing this? Simply to say, don't underestimate the beauty and power of marriage. Today people very rarely give marriage a thought. Just living together will do. Marriage has become equivalent to a wedding. Getting married means having the perfect wedding. But marriage is so much more than a wedding. The promises and the commitment your father and I made to each other before God keep us going through the tough times. I can't and I won't just walk out one day 'cos I feel like I'm not in love today. We are not roommates, we are husband and wife.

So in an age when divorce is fashinonable and relationships only last for as long as a mudcake would in my fridge, treasure marriage. Respect it and honour it. It's not and it shouldn't be a prison. It's most certainly not easy and you will face MANY challenges, but enjoy it. When marriage is approached with the right attitude, it's one of the most magnificent experiences you could have. It's a place you can grow tremendously and it can chisel and polish you until you shine bright as ever.

I pray that oneday you will find a wonderful husband who brings out the absolute best in you, like your father does in me.

Much love,

Mummy

Prince.

My darling,

I write to you today with a heavy heart. Today I have to do something which is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. Yes, this is harder than even moving to Finland.

Today I will give up Prince.

I haven't told you much about Prince. He is our litle puppy and I think to help you understand why this decision is so hard for me, I should start right at the beginning.

Ever since I was a little girl, there have been two things I've wanted. A little brother or a dog. I remember writing letters to God telling Him how He gave Sarah a baby at the age of 99 so He could give my mum a baby too! But it didn't seem like that was His plan. So my next request was a dog.

I am a HUGE animal lover. It is my dream one day in the future to work with animal rescuse shelters and maybe one day have one of my own. So after years of me whining about how I want a dog, my parents were compassionate and got me one.

He was called Rusty. A beautiful golden brown cockerspaniel. I loved him and he was full of life and energy and in fact, TOO much energy for us to handle! Our lifestyle was so busy and my parents traveled quite a lot for work and I had to stay at home alone with Rusty and it was becoming hard for us and mostly, for him. One day we had planned to go for a holiday together as a family (for me, this was my first holiday after months and months!) and suddenly the person who was to look after Rusty while we were gone, was unable to. Then we were left with the decision, do we cancel our holiday or what? I think it was then that we realized maybe Rusty would be happier in another home with a different kind of lifestyle. It was a quick decision but within hours we found a new home for him! A miracle I know! God was so good to take care of Rusty. And trust me, he now resides with a wonderful old couple who absolutely love and adore him and he is a hundred times happier there than he was with us. So THAT makes me happy!

But giving up Rusty was hard. And even after that for years and years my desire for a dog never left. It was one thing I desired even more than a husband. So my mother would always say, 'Keshia, a dog would be very unhappy living with us right now given our busy lifestyle. But when you get your own house and family, I'm sure you can have a dog!'

But coming to the present. I got married and was extremely happy and then we moved to Finland and things were not so easy for me after that. Being the only child, you would expect me to have found a way to deal with loneliness, and even I thought I did, but in Finland I experienced such a deep sense of loneliness that I have never experienced anywhere else. Daddy was so good to me and did everything he could to make me happy but even he couldn't help me in some things. I felt like an outsider who was just a big inconvenience to people around me. I didn't have anything of mine. No job, no friends, no family. I felt empty and above all, rejected. People would completely ignore me and speak in Finnish around me as if I didn't exist, unconcerned that I couldn't understand or be involved. I broke into a million pieces. It was a very hard time in my life. And at the beginning of 2012, I told God I wanted a dog. I needed a companion who was mine. Who spoke MY language. Whom I could love and who would love me irregardless of my skin colour or my personality. Even daddy was supportive of getting a dog, so we prayed for a LONG time. And in April 2012, we had the peace in our hearts to get a dog. But I felt this voice saying to me, 'You won't have him by his 1st birthday' I couldn't understand what that meant. But because we had peace in our hearts we went ahead and started looking and we found the perfect dog, Prince! My lifelong dream had finally come true!

Prince was a gorgeous black & tan Miniature Pinscher and he came into our house in June 2012. I can't give you all the details because there are tooo many! But he made my life exciting, happy and warm. He taught daddy and I a lot about God, ourselves and raising kids. Prince was extremely smart and intelligent and always kept challenging us with his headstrong nature. I can easily say, we picked a dog to perfectly match me. He is a brave little fellow even though he is so small. He rules any dog park we go to, dominating german shepherds and pitbulls. He loves to be energetic and active and he appreciates challenges. He LOVES to eat! He loves people and is very affectionate towards them. He is very caring and loyal to daddy and I. If ever we sneeze or show we are in pain, he comes by our side to check on us and leaves only when we tell him we are ok. But above all, he is absolutely adorable!

 Sometimes when he is there and people are jabbering in Finnish around me, I shut out their voices and it's just me and Prince. Or after a long day, I know ok, I'll get through this horrible day so that I can get home and see Prince. Sometimes he is the motivation I need to get out of bed and get moving in this horrible weather outside. He made my life in Finland bearable and I will forever be grateful to God for blessing me with him.

But now comes the hard part. Daddy and I have been thinking alot about our future and what should we do next. Our time in Finland is drawing to a close and we were praying about what should we do next. We both felt like God wanted us to spend our next year in Sri Lanka and then we felt like we should move to Australia. I was so excited to be able to take Prince to Sri Lanka because I know how much he appreciates sunlight and warmth (like me!!) but then we found out that taking a dog to Australia is like breaking out of a prison. Painfully hard and takes a lot of time and effort. Prince would have to be quarentined for over 7 months. 7 months away from us in an unknown place. I think that would break his heart.

So I asked God, 'What should we do?? What do YOU want from me?' I'm always scared to ask God this. I'm being honest. Because usually His answer is not the one I want to hear. But I have learned that His ways have always been the best for me. I think something is gonna be good for me, but then I choose to obey Him instead and it may be hard at first, but afterwards it ALL makes sense and I know I couldn't have gone down a better road. So with great hesitation, I asked Him. And just as I expected, He replied, 'I gave you Prince for a season. He fulfilled his purpose in that season but now it's time to find a new home for Prince' I shared with daddy what God spoke to me and we broke down in tears together. We sat on the bed crying throughout the night because this decision took all of our strength and will. But finally when we both agreed, 'Ok, God loves Prince more than we do. He wants the best for Prince and so do we. And if we obey Him, not only will our lives go smoother, but Prince will be happier than ever. It's time to find a new home for him' The moment we made that decision together this strange sense of peace came over our hearts. Yes, this was the right thing to do. Painfully hard but right.

So we spoke to Prince's breeder and asked if she could maybe ask around if anyone would like to take in Prince and within a few hours (amazing, right??) we already had two people who were interested. And we met one them and she was such a lovely lady who already had another min pin and when we met her for the first time, Prince absolutely adored her! He even tried to leave with her! And I cannot express how much joy I had in my heart just seeing that! God is so faithful and good :)


But of course, all this joy cannot take away the pain of losing him. I will miss him everyday. His cute little ways and the love he exhumes. But daddy and I have made a decision to be strong. We have made a decision to do what pleases God, not us. We have dedicated our lives to serving Him and if that means I have to give up my most prized possesion, I will do that.

Today is our last day with Prince. And we love him and will never ever forget what he brought into our lives, especially mine.











But remember this baby girl, NOTHING on this earth, no boy, no dream, no job, no dog, no anything, is worth ignoring God's will! Nothing will bring you greater joy or peace. God loves you and wants the absolute best for you, so don't settle for anything less!

We love you and because of you, we want to be the best people we can be!                         

Love,
Mummy

'God, why did You let me wake up today?'

Hello my love,

It's been awhile, I know. I can't really say why I haven't written earlier but there is some finality in writing things down. And especially when things are difficult it's hard to acknowledge them.

These last few weeks, I've been feeling like a tiger. Ever seen those tigers in the zoo in cages?Restlessly pacing up and down. Well, that was me. A restless tiger.

For awhile now, life has felt like a cage. I wake up every morning, open my eyes and the first question I ask is, 'God why did you let me wake up today? Why.' And then I would while the hours away until I lay in bed again to sleep and wake up the next morning and ask the same question. I had forgotten how to laugh or how to look forward to things. I had lost the joy of simple, beautiful things.

Now this feeling of unsatisfaction has been ever growing. Unsatisfaction of the lack of opportunities for me in this country and the struggle to find a job because I don't know the language or the struggle to just keep going on and I believe this last week was the worst for me. I got tired of it and I quit.

I told God I've had it. I hate it that He brought me here. And I'm tired of wasting my life away sitting at home when I have so much potential and so many dreams that I want to fulfill so WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE BAKING BROWNIES ALL DAY LONG? Believe me, I was angry when I had this conversation with God. 'Cos it seemed like I've been asking the same questions for the last 15 months with no apparent answer. And I was exhausted.

And so it was our youth night. 5 minutes before we left home I sat on the ground with daddy and quietly I asked God, 'What am I doing? You want me to go and lead worship and preach when I can barely lift my head up right now? You want me to smile and be joyful when all I want to do is scream and cry and run away? You want me to tell them there is hope when I feel so hopeless right now?' and it's funny when God does answer because it's at the most unusual times. For all I heard Him say was, 'Yes I do.' Sigh.

So that's what I did. I picked up my guitar. Closed my eyes. And sang my guts out to God, forgetting about everything that wasn't going right. Daddy and I preached from our hearts. And at the end of the night, as I was walking home, this strange peace came upon me. The incomprehensible understanding which I maybe once had and lost. The realization that THIS is why I'm here. To give. To build. To invest in the lives of young people. That my existence here is not in vain, it is purposed. It is willed. It is for the best. And then at that moment, my agendas, my plans, my wants, my desires, my dreams, my ideas don't matter.

For I live for His dream. I live for His purpose. I live for His plan.

And nothing else in this life, could ever satisfy.

So in those moments when everything seems pointless and nothing makes sense and you are restless, frustrated and angry...look to God and His purpose for your life and you will find that everything starts to make sense and you find that you are exactly where you belong!

Love,
Mummy

He Hears You.

Dear baby girl,

I have to admit, somedays I feel like God is deaf. I'm not being disrespectful. I'm just being honest. I think everyone at some point has thought that. WHY can't God hear my cry? Even in Psalms, David, the man who was known as the man after God's own heart, asks the same question. And for the last few months, that has been my question. 'God can you see where I am? Can you hear my desperate cry?'

You will find yourself in that place many times. When all the people you love have failed you, when you are in need, when you are lonely or frustrated, when you have been hurt, when the stress and pressure of life becomes too much and when all you hear is silence, you will ask that question, 'God, where are you?'

And it is at that point, that many people walk away from God. Many claim that He is unfaithful, He is unjust, He is heartless, He doesn't care, He doesn't listen, He doesn't know the situation I have been in. And sadly, they walk away not knowing that when God is silent, He is usually busy working on us. But most of us don't have the patience to wait for Him. Too many times I have been this close to giving up because it felt like there is no hope.

And today I was sitting on the floor in my living room, weeping before God. 'God, please help me. Please give me a sign that you hear me. Please give me some encouragement' For I must tell you, the last few months have been difficult. It felt like every direction I turn somebody or some situation is there to beat me down to the ground. And I had grown weary of turning the other cheek and persisting onward. I had come to the end of the line and again, whilst tempted to walk away from the One person who could make all things new, I sat down and cried out to Him. To be honest, after many months of no change, I didn't really expect much to happen today. Hopelessness does that to you, it eats away at your soul.

But today, it was different. The moment I had finished praying, I looked at my phone and I had gotten a text message. It was one of my friends telling me that God has just given her a dream, in which I was asking God for help and support and she messaged me to tell me she is is praying for me. I can't express the joy I felt inside. The first thought that came to my mind was, God hears me. HE HEARS ME! How encouraging is that! The next few minutes I spent crying, but this time it was tears of joy. And then I came across this verse in the Bible, again by David.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, 

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what He has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord"

(Psalm 40:1-3)

Reading this reminded me that our Father in Heaven is a loving Father. He cannot and will not ignore the cries of His children. But it reminded me more that the struggles I go through, the trials I face, the disappointments and sorrow I may experience are not only building me up from the inside, but God could use all these things to help somebody else. For someone who has lost a loved one can relate so much better to someone who has also lost a loved one. So yes, sometime God does allow us to face certain things, only to make us stronger. But He will never give us more than we can bear.

So on any day that you feel like there is only silence, remember this, He hears you. Wait patiently and watch Him move.

Remember, He hears you.

Love,

Mummy

Feel-Good Generation.

Hi baby girl,

Welcome to the Feel-Good Generation.

We are the generation that does what feels good, no matter the cost. We spend our whole lives chasing for that one high, that one moment, that one experience that makes everything else worth it. We run behind superficial happiness, but only because it's easy.  We want the things we can never have. We want the things everyone else has. We are never satisfied with who we are or what we possess. We always want more.

Patience is for losers. We are the super-fast generation. Super fast technology, super fast cars, super fast girls and super fast boys, super fast relationships, super fast noodles. Everything is so fast, that the reality is most of us are trying to keep up. Keep up with the fashion, keep up with the latest trends, we spend our lives keeping up. We're all out of breath but we don't stop for a second to think, we just keep on running.

The motto of our youth is get rich or die trying. Money and sex. The two things that control our lives. We think those two things will complete our lives. Make us happy. Give us peace. Give us status. Give us respect. Oh yeah, we don't earn respect anymore. We demand it. With guns and foul language. By bullying and looking down on people. Women think they gain respect by taking off their clothes. Men think they gain respect by being the man who gets with the most number of women who take off their clothes. We don't respect others, but they must respect us.We don't even respect ourselves anymore, yet we expect others to respect us.

We love to look good on the outside, but we pay no attention to our insides. While our faces are painted with colour and vibrance, our insides are decomposing. There is no room in our lives for compassion and kindness. Why? Because it doesn't benefit us. Why should we bother with it? Everything is about me. I have to look out for myself. I have to succeed. It doesn't matter who I have to hurt or trample on to succeed. This is MY life.

Commitment, honesty, keeping your word, respect, honour, dignity are a thing of the past. They are too old-fashioned. You can't be successful and be honest at the same time. Can you? You must get divorced at least once in your life. You must sleep with as many boys as you can before you get married. You must lust after as many women as you possibly can. You must lie and cheat otherwise you just can't get to the top. It doesn't matter if what you are doing is wrong, as long as it feels good to you. It's ok to walk out on relationships just because you don't feel in love anymore. It's ok to curse at your parents and elders, after all, they are just a bunch of old people. What do they know? It's ok to watch porn cos everyone else does. It's cool to be rebellious and have no respect for authorities.

NO.

Today, I'm taking a stand. I refuse to be a part of this generation. I refuse to accept all the lies and the standards this world has set. Because in my opinion, these are not standards that I want to base my life on.

My standard is Jesus. My standard is the Bible. It's the oldest book and yet the most relevant book. I have found all my answers in this one book.

The Bible tells me to be honest. It tells me to give to the poor. It tells me to protect my body and my mind. It tells me that I have been put on this Earth not just for myself, but to be a blessing to others. It tells me to honour my commitments. It tells me to respect and be kind to everybody regardless of their nationality, religion, cast or creed. It tells me to forgive, not just once but over and over again. It tells me not to lie or cheat. It tells me to honour my parents and elders. It tells me that money should never be my master. It tells me that I am created beautifully, that I don't need to slobber my face with makeup to look attractive. It tells me I must respect the authorities. It tells me to look after the Earth I am placed on, and not pollute it. It tells me God sent His Son to die on MY behalf, even when I didn't deserve such a sacrifice, so I should love others like He loves me, whether I think they deserve it or not.

So that's my standard. I believe in a new generation. A generation that is cured of this 'Feel-Good' disease. A generation that is consumed with real love, not with superficial, feel-good love. A generation that is kind and honest and seeking to do the right thing always, especially when it's hard. A generation that is respectful and a generation that seeks to find the best in everyone. A generation who gives and not hoards. A generation whose motto is 'Unselfish to the Core'

That's the generation I long to see. The generation I want you, my little angel, to be part of. So it starts with me. I'm going to live differently, and hope and pray that others will see and others will follow.

Because after all, it takes just one tiny matchstick to start a forest fire. So wherever you are, be that little matchstick.

Love you muchly,
Mummy

Far Too Kind.

Hi my baby girl,

First of all, if you were here, you would LOVE today's weather. Just gorgeous! With the sun and the blue sky and snow and frisky air...gorgeous!

it's so BLUE!

But today something very sweet happened. I just wanted to share it with you because it reminded me of an important lesson, which us humans tend to forget so easily.

Today I was walking for a meeting to my office and I was focusing very intently on where I stepped because now the roads are quite slippery and I did not desire to fall. So I was walking when I saw this fairly elderly lady walking towards me so I smiled at her and she smiled at me and said 'Hei'. My heart leaped up inside of me with joy because for months and months I have been trying to smile at people on the street here and for my 8 months here, maybe one or two people smiled back. Glum, I know. I would tell daddy, I am going to get people to smile at me!! I was determined! And she smiled!! And then I was walking more and ANOTHER gentleman smiled at me and said something inaudible but who cares! He smiled too!!

Now you are probably wondering what is the big deal here. Two random people on the street smiling at you. But here in Finland, it just doesn't happen that often. I come from Sri Lanka where everyone is smiling at each other and whistling at girls on the street and laughing at random people. So I miss that!!

And then I thought about kindness. Their little smiles brought me so much joy. I don't know why, but it did. I was smiling like an idiot the whole way to my meeting. They probably don't know what an impact they had on me, but I was quite grateful to God for our short encounters.

It made me think more about the impact my actions have on others. Am I too busy to be kind to people? Am I too absorbed in my own life and my own problems to be unselfish for a few seconds to smile at someone? Or give them a small compliment? Or just check up on how they are doing? What impact am I having on people? How is my life touching others?

Because the reality is, everyone is busy. I don't know what we are doing so much, but somehow we are always busy. Busy getting rich, mostly. So busy that we have forgotten to be kind to others. Especially the people we don't know or won't benefit us in anyway. Also we are scared to be kind to people. What if they take advantage of us? We never have time for others. We are far too busy thinking of ourselves. Even if someone is writhing in pain on the floor, we don't have time to stop and help or we are too scared to get involved. Let someone else take care of it. No.

I like to take my example of living from Jesus. The kindest man I know. He hung out with the rejects in society. Showed them love. He gave to the poor. He went out of His way to be kind to people, no matter how tired He was. He encouraged people. He gave them hope and life. He gave people second chances. He didn't judge people the way society did. Eventually, He gave up His life on a cross for the very people who pinned Him to it.

I want to be like that. I want you to be like that. Kind to the core. I never want to be too busy to care about people. To smile at strangers. To encourage those who are down. To pray for those who need it. To push down the walls that people have built up because they are scared to let people in. To tell others about how much Jesus loves them. To bake a cake for someone else. To send a text or message to someone telling them I'm thinking of them. I never want you to be too busy for those things also. These are small things, but important things. And it doesn't matter if anybody notices or you feel it's insignificant. What matters is you do it with the right attitude of being a blessing to somebody else.

Be kind, my darling. Someone else needs it today.

Love mummy

"Look at me"

Hey baby girl,

I remember when I was a kid I went with some friends to this amusement park. And we were on this ride which just went round and round and it got faster and faster. But all it did was go round. And somewhere in the middle of it, I started feeling sick in my stomach. And I was wondering what is the point of this? Why am I even on this ride? I just wanted to jump off but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t stop. And I remember someone saying, don’t close your eyes and don’t look around just look at the ground. You will feel better. And strangely, I did.

And some mornings I wake up, and I ask myself the same question. Why am I living? Why am I here? Because some days it’s easy to forget the reason. Some days it’s easier to close my eyes again and hide in bed. Some days I hear only silence and echoes. Some days I just want to go back home. Some days I just want to scream and cry but I don’t have enough energy. Some days I just need someone to tell me that I’ll make it through. Some days I need hope.

And on those days, I’m tempted to close my eyes. I’m tempted to give up and walk away. But then I hear this still, small voice saying, “Don’t close your eyes. Don’t look around you. Look at me.” And in those moments, He gives me the patience and the grace to live that day and the day after that. He reminds me He loves me. He reminds me my life is not just for me. He reminds me that there are more broken souls to be touched, more broken hearts to be fixed. He reminds me that He is always here with me.

So when you feel tempted to give up or run away, look at Jesus.

I love you…

Mummy

P.S:- one of my favourite songs.

Blame God, shall we?

Hi baby girl,

Today I want to talk to you about something that is very close to my heart. It's something that troubles me about today's world.

People have little respect for their environment. They feel like it's ok to just throw rubbish on the street or cut down forests or dump oil into the seas or kill innocent animals. They feel like this is our earth, we can do whatever we please with it. They have no respect and no genuine love for the earth they live on. It makes me sad.

We treat the Earth like this and when nature reacts aggressively against us as a result of our foolish actions, the first thing we do is turn around and blame God. God brought this Tsunami. God caused these earthquakes. God is making this drought and millions of people are dying. God caused poverty. God is responsible for Global Warming. God is responsible for this boo boo on my thumb.

NO. We are.

We polluted the earth and the seas. We cut down the trees. We brought about global warming which is the simple reason for these strange weather conditions globally. We are corrupt and evil. Instead of using our financial resources to end hunger around the world, we spend excessive amounts of money to buy 5 cars and 3 houses and about 15 designer hand-bags. We spit our chewing gums out of our car windows. We use a million cans of hair spray for a year. We waste food. We just drop our used cigarettes on the road. We chuck our finished bag of chips on the street. WE are responsible. Not God.

But it's so much easier to blame someone else, isn't it? So let's blame God, shall we? I mean after all, He could stop all of this right? NO. When God created this Earth, He set some laws. One law was 'What you sow, you reap' So you can't sow a potato seed and reap a banana tree. Doesn't work like that. So you can't start dumping oil into the sea and expect birds and fish not to die. Our actions have consequences, no matter how big or small they may be. It's not God's responsibility to clean up our mess. Too often we hand over our responsibilities to God and get mad when nothing happens. We need to grow up.

The two things God asked Adam and Eve to do was 1. Be fruitful and multiply and 2. TAKE CARE OF THE EARTH. He asked of only 2 things and we couldn't even do that.

No. I'm tired of this irresponsibility. We can't change how other people treat the Earth.We can only change how we treat our Earth. So we must be different. God gave us Earth as a gift, to take care of it. We can't destroy it any more.

So, as you grow older into an adult you will learn to protect your environment and encourage those around you to do the same. If you throw rubbish, let it only be in a bin, not on the street. If you see a piece of paper on the floor, pick it up and put it in a bin, even if it's not your piece of paper. Don't keep the water running while you brush your teeth. Save electricity. Love animals. You may not be able to stop people from dumping oil or toxic waste into the sea, but try and do your part. Do whatever YOU can no matter how small or insignificant you may think it is. That's what's important. If everyone did their small part, things would be easier. Our planet could be cleaner.

I love you. I only want you to have the best this world could offer. So I need to do my part to protect this Earth so that you could have the same opportunities I did to enjoy the beauty of this Earth.


Love always,

Mummy

Mummy & Daddy are tree-huggers <3

Valentine Shmalentine.

Hi baby girl,

First of all, I love you.

Secondly, today is ‘Valentine’s Day’. Another pointless day people celebrate by spending ridiculous amounts of money, stuffing their faces with little balls of diabetes, getting wasted and all in the name of showing that someone ‘special’ that they love them. This is one day that disgusts me the most. Why?

Firstly, if someone is really special to you, why are we dedicating just one day of the year to show them our true, deep feelings? Why not lavish them with your love every day of the year? Why not have candle-lit dinners every night? Why just today?

And then it got me thinking about the age we live in where the whole meaning of love has been disillusioned and corrupted by sex, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the moronic reality shows we follow.

We are taught to ‘follow our heart’ and we are told that ‘it’s ok if we can’t help how we feel’ or that ‘it’s ok to fall out of love’. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It’s almost 'cool'. And somehow everyone has gotten very comfortable with this cycle.

I want you to remember this. Listen to me carefully. Choose the man you are going to marry with wisdom and obedience to God’s voice. Don’t just marry a man because he pulls the chair out for you or holds doors open for you or because he calls you beautiful. Don’t marry a man because he is good-looking or has a super fit body. Don’t marry a man because he has a similar taste in music. All of those shallow things could fade. Marry a man because after seeking God’s face, He gives you the peace and assurance in your heart that this is the man you must spend the rest of your life with. And also marry a man who loves Jesus with all of his heart.

After that, no matter what obstacles come your way, you don’t give up. Why? Because you made a promise to him and to God. There are going to be days you don’t ‘feel’ like you’re in love. It’s not going to ALWAYS be sunshine and ponies. Some of those quirky little traits about him will become simply annoying. Some days you won’t have anything to talk about. He may not always open doors and pull out chairs for you. He may be insensitive some days. He may not call you beautiful all the time. He may betray your trust. He may not meet your expectations. There are going to be days you are going to want to walk out and quit. There are days when your 'heart' tells you to give up 'cos it's pointless. But you don’t. Because you made a promise. We live in a generation that doesn’t keep their word. But you must be different. If there is only one promise you make in your life, let it be this and then keep it until you die.

You don’t follow your heart. You follow through with the promise you made to your partner.

People don’t fall out of love. They just choose to stop loving the other person when things become too difficult or uncomfortable.

You can help how you feel. This is how you do it. You write down how you feel. Whether it’s pain, anger, betrayal, sorrow, grief, jealousy, distrust, hopelessness, despair, fear and the list goes on. And next to that you write down what you need to do and what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love and then you do it, regardless of how you feel. That is what honouring a commitment means.

And this is the most important thing to remember. You can look at the other person and complain about how much he has changed. But I can guarantee you this. You changed first. This is something I as a wife struggled to accept at first. I can’t change daddy. I can only change myself. He is not responsible for my happiness. I am. In fact, the more I focused on changing myself and less on changing him, he and I were both so much happier.

And remember, marriage or any relationship is not a tit-for-tat game. You don’t love someone because they love you. You love someone because you choose to love that person. If we only loved people because they loved us…well, there will be days we won’t find anyone to love. The same goes for all other qualities, like trust, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement and the list goes on.

I am blessed to have daddy. He is not a perfect man (thank God for that!) but he is absolutely perfect for me and I only pray and hope that you find a prince like daddy :) After all, we only want the best for you!

But remember, love is not a fairytale. It is nothing like the movies. In fact, it’s even more beautiful and significant. It’s something that takes years to perfect and it requires commitment, not feelings. So remember these little words of wisdom, I have shared with you. Because one day when you are down in a pit of despair, they might give you some hope.

We love you!

Big cuddles,

Mummy

P.S.: This is such a beautiful song, enjoy :)