"But You're So Young!"

Hello my darling,

Your father and I have been married for 1½ years now. I was 21 and he was 20 when we got married. And even up to now, I still have people who say to me, 'Why would you get married so young? Why don't you enjoy your life first?'

Even before your father and I started dating, we talked about marriage. I think we both knew that we didn't want to date for the sake of dating. If I was going to date someone, I wanted it to be my future husband. So after a lot of prayer and thought, we started dating and in 9 months we announced our engagement. I can count on my hands the number of people who were supportive of our decision. In other words, there were very few. Some people even had the audacity to ask me if I'm pregnant. As if that was the only sane reason as to why a person should get married. Then others brought up the famous statement, 'You should first enjoy your youth before you get married' As if getting married somehow caused you to age faster and robbed you of your hair and every joy you may ever have.

It made me think a little and I realized what a warped and strange idea people had of marriage. The world has portrayed marriage to appear as some sort of cage. Some form of imprisonment or punishment. Very few people said to me, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man, sharing and enjoying your youth and future with him??' It was more like, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to be stuck with the same man for the rest of your life??'

And it saddened me. Because I have not enjoyed my life as much as I have with your father. It hasn't been all sunshine and ponies, let me tell you that. But I would not trade this life for anything else. For all the 'freedom' in the world. For with him, I am completely free. Free to be myself, free to dream, free to hope, free to be sad and free to be happy. I wake up in the morning to the same person and yes, that is wonderful. Because it reminds me that there is a man on this earth who loves me so much and whether it be good or bad days, he has chosen and promised to be by my side. And all those things that people thought I would miss out on? Not only have I not missed out on anything, I've even had my bestfriend with me to laugh and cry through it all. It doesn't get any better than that.

So why am I writing this? Simply to say, don't underestimate the beauty and power of marriage. Today people very rarely give marriage a thought. Just living together will do. Marriage has become equivalent to a wedding. Getting married means having the perfect wedding. But marriage is so much more than a wedding. The promises and the commitment your father and I made to each other before God keep us going through the tough times. I can't and I won't just walk out one day 'cos I feel like I'm not in love today. We are not roommates, we are husband and wife.

So in an age when divorce is fashinonable and relationships only last for as long as a mudcake would in my fridge, treasure marriage. Respect it and honour it. It's not and it shouldn't be a prison. It's most certainly not easy and you will face MANY challenges, but enjoy it. When marriage is approached with the right attitude, it's one of the most magnificent experiences you could have. It's a place you can grow tremendously and it can chisel and polish you until you shine bright as ever.

I pray that oneday you will find a wonderful husband who brings out the absolute best in you, like your father does in me.

Much love,

Mummy

No, I Stink More.

My darling,

I come from a country where the streets are filled with beggars. Mothers with little babies, grown men, old grandpas and grandmas, little boys and girls...you name it, we got it. In fact, I have seen it so much while growing up that it has stopped shocking me. And the truth is that I can't give money to every single beggar who asks me for it, because by the time I get home, I would be broke.

But by nature, I am a very compassionate person. I will cry if I even see a little puppy all manged and in bad condition on the road. So what I find worse are humans living on the street with no home and no real life. My heart breaks to think that some of those children may not ever get to go to school and learn and excel in life like I had the opportunity to do. It saddens me to think of the many women who live on the street who are raped and beaten up because they have no secure place to live or a husband or father to protect them.

Now there is a way of thinking, I don't know if it is a common way of thinking but it's definitely out there and it saddens me the most. It is the digusting notion that we should not give beggars money or anything because they are liars and thieves and instead of begging they should find a job and not be poor. I agree, there are those beggars who do lie and who do steal and use begging as a business. But what I would like to ask the world in general is this. Have you never told a lie? Have you never stolen anything? Have you never deceived someone to get your own way? Because if somebody answers, no I have never lied, need I say more?

The truth is, just because life is comfortable for me and I have everything I need and I have food and I have a job and I have a warm home to come home to every night, I have no right to look down on other people whose conditions are worse and pass judgement on them from my little chair of self-righteousness. But that is what we do. We walk right past those beggars, not even noticing their existence, in fact, even annoyed at their existence. It annoys us that they come behind us all the time or they smell or they are dirty. What's worse is that  we complain about how dishonest they are and then go home and tell a lie or two of our own. How have we become so cold-hearted and selfish? Is it because we have never experienced gut-wrenching hunger or we have never had to sleep in the cold rain? Or is it because we have not had people spit on us or we have not known what it's like not be able to brush your hair everyday or brush your teeth or just have a nice warm shower? What has made us so hard and judgemental on those less fortunate than us? I mean we look at pictures of little starving children in Africa and ignore the old man who begs at the top of our road?

NO.

The Bible says, "Those who shut their ears to the cries of the poor will be ignored in their own time of need" Prov 21:13.

As a Christian, as a human, as a woman, my greatest gift to the poor is first my compassion. I don't have money to give to every beggar I meet. Sometimes I do, sometimes I buy them some food to eat or sometimes I give them a smile instead of a disgusted look. But in whatever I do, I try to do it with love. I'll tell you why.

Because when I was a liar and a cheater, a theif and a criminal, when I harboured darkness in my heart, when my life was so digusting and stunk so bad that nobody on this earth could or should have loved me, Jesus stretched out His arms to die for me on a cross and said, 'This is how much I love you'.

It's time we did the same for others.

Be a compassionate woman, my darling.

Love always,
Mummy

A Woman's Worth.

Hello my darling,

My sweet, precious little girl, one day you will grow up to be a woman. And you will find that being a woman is not the easiest thing. It's a hard life. It's a trying task. It's a challenging road.

Many men have forgotten the worth of a woman. Sadly, so have many women. Today we are treated as cooking and cleaning machines. We are used as a source of entertainment and pleasure. We are disrespected, devalued and unappreciated. We are like an accessory on a man's arm or a perverse image in a man's mind or a guilt stain on a man's heart.

We are constantly compared to corrupted images. We are encouraged to lose whatever diginity and self-respect we have, to please men, to win their love and affection. We are told that the more you show of your body, the more attractive you will be to a man. We are encouraged to be anything other than ourselves. In fact, we have lost ourselves and most of us are running around in the dark trying to figure out who we really are.

And because of all this, you will find it's easy to become bitter as a woman. It's easy to get angry. It's easy to look at men and life and think how unfairly we are treated. How unfair are their expectations on us. You may find, no matter how hard you try, it's sometimes nearly impossible to be appreciated and loved for who you are. And you will find that gradually, because of how men look at us, we start doubting our worth as a woman.

But it is not in their hands that your worth lies. It is in your hands and it is in God's hands. You are a beautiful creation. Before you expect anyone else to know that, you need to know that. And the only comparison you need to make is with God's word. Because when He made you, He made you perfectly. Porn stars are not our standard of beauty, the Bible is. You don't need to take off your clothes to prove you are beautiful. You just are.

And your worth also lies in your ability to be gracious and forgiving. God put a strength in women, that they must use to their advantage. Graciousness. I believe that is why a woman can care for her children. So no matter what men do or say to us, we continue to look at them through the eyes of love. Not because we are weak and helpless. But because we are strong. We are strong enough to CHOOSE to forgive and strong enough to trust again and strong enough to be gracious to them, regardless of their crimes against us. 

We are women. We have incredible worth. We are important in God's eyes and we are loved beyond our capability to understand. We may not have bulging biceps but we have the strongest and most powerful muscle of them all, our heart. With this muscle, we will change the hearts of men and women around the world. We will not do it with shouting and wars and protests.

We will do it with love.

I love you always,
Mummy.

Far Too Kind.

Hi my baby girl,

First of all, if you were here, you would LOVE today's weather. Just gorgeous! With the sun and the blue sky and snow and frisky air...gorgeous!

it's so BLUE!

But today something very sweet happened. I just wanted to share it with you because it reminded me of an important lesson, which us humans tend to forget so easily.

Today I was walking for a meeting to my office and I was focusing very intently on where I stepped because now the roads are quite slippery and I did not desire to fall. So I was walking when I saw this fairly elderly lady walking towards me so I smiled at her and she smiled at me and said 'Hei'. My heart leaped up inside of me with joy because for months and months I have been trying to smile at people on the street here and for my 8 months here, maybe one or two people smiled back. Glum, I know. I would tell daddy, I am going to get people to smile at me!! I was determined! And she smiled!! And then I was walking more and ANOTHER gentleman smiled at me and said something inaudible but who cares! He smiled too!!

Now you are probably wondering what is the big deal here. Two random people on the street smiling at you. But here in Finland, it just doesn't happen that often. I come from Sri Lanka where everyone is smiling at each other and whistling at girls on the street and laughing at random people. So I miss that!!

And then I thought about kindness. Their little smiles brought me so much joy. I don't know why, but it did. I was smiling like an idiot the whole way to my meeting. They probably don't know what an impact they had on me, but I was quite grateful to God for our short encounters.

It made me think more about the impact my actions have on others. Am I too busy to be kind to people? Am I too absorbed in my own life and my own problems to be unselfish for a few seconds to smile at someone? Or give them a small compliment? Or just check up on how they are doing? What impact am I having on people? How is my life touching others?

Because the reality is, everyone is busy. I don't know what we are doing so much, but somehow we are always busy. Busy getting rich, mostly. So busy that we have forgotten to be kind to others. Especially the people we don't know or won't benefit us in anyway. Also we are scared to be kind to people. What if they take advantage of us? We never have time for others. We are far too busy thinking of ourselves. Even if someone is writhing in pain on the floor, we don't have time to stop and help or we are too scared to get involved. Let someone else take care of it. No.

I like to take my example of living from Jesus. The kindest man I know. He hung out with the rejects in society. Showed them love. He gave to the poor. He went out of His way to be kind to people, no matter how tired He was. He encouraged people. He gave them hope and life. He gave people second chances. He didn't judge people the way society did. Eventually, He gave up His life on a cross for the very people who pinned Him to it.

I want to be like that. I want you to be like that. Kind to the core. I never want to be too busy to care about people. To smile at strangers. To encourage those who are down. To pray for those who need it. To push down the walls that people have built up because they are scared to let people in. To tell others about how much Jesus loves them. To bake a cake for someone else. To send a text or message to someone telling them I'm thinking of them. I never want you to be too busy for those things also. These are small things, but important things. And it doesn't matter if anybody notices or you feel it's insignificant. What matters is you do it with the right attitude of being a blessing to somebody else.

Be kind, my darling. Someone else needs it today.

Love mummy

Valentine Shmalentine.

Hi baby girl,

First of all, I love you.

Secondly, today is ‘Valentine’s Day’. Another pointless day people celebrate by spending ridiculous amounts of money, stuffing their faces with little balls of diabetes, getting wasted and all in the name of showing that someone ‘special’ that they love them. This is one day that disgusts me the most. Why?

Firstly, if someone is really special to you, why are we dedicating just one day of the year to show them our true, deep feelings? Why not lavish them with your love every day of the year? Why not have candle-lit dinners every night? Why just today?

And then it got me thinking about the age we live in where the whole meaning of love has been disillusioned and corrupted by sex, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the moronic reality shows we follow.

We are taught to ‘follow our heart’ and we are told that ‘it’s ok if we can’t help how we feel’ or that ‘it’s ok to fall out of love’. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It’s almost 'cool'. And somehow everyone has gotten very comfortable with this cycle.

I want you to remember this. Listen to me carefully. Choose the man you are going to marry with wisdom and obedience to God’s voice. Don’t just marry a man because he pulls the chair out for you or holds doors open for you or because he calls you beautiful. Don’t marry a man because he is good-looking or has a super fit body. Don’t marry a man because he has a similar taste in music. All of those shallow things could fade. Marry a man because after seeking God’s face, He gives you the peace and assurance in your heart that this is the man you must spend the rest of your life with. And also marry a man who loves Jesus with all of his heart.

After that, no matter what obstacles come your way, you don’t give up. Why? Because you made a promise to him and to God. There are going to be days you don’t ‘feel’ like you’re in love. It’s not going to ALWAYS be sunshine and ponies. Some of those quirky little traits about him will become simply annoying. Some days you won’t have anything to talk about. He may not always open doors and pull out chairs for you. He may be insensitive some days. He may not call you beautiful all the time. He may betray your trust. He may not meet your expectations. There are going to be days you are going to want to walk out and quit. There are days when your 'heart' tells you to give up 'cos it's pointless. But you don’t. Because you made a promise. We live in a generation that doesn’t keep their word. But you must be different. If there is only one promise you make in your life, let it be this and then keep it until you die.

You don’t follow your heart. You follow through with the promise you made to your partner.

People don’t fall out of love. They just choose to stop loving the other person when things become too difficult or uncomfortable.

You can help how you feel. This is how you do it. You write down how you feel. Whether it’s pain, anger, betrayal, sorrow, grief, jealousy, distrust, hopelessness, despair, fear and the list goes on. And next to that you write down what you need to do and what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love and then you do it, regardless of how you feel. That is what honouring a commitment means.

And this is the most important thing to remember. You can look at the other person and complain about how much he has changed. But I can guarantee you this. You changed first. This is something I as a wife struggled to accept at first. I can’t change daddy. I can only change myself. He is not responsible for my happiness. I am. In fact, the more I focused on changing myself and less on changing him, he and I were both so much happier.

And remember, marriage or any relationship is not a tit-for-tat game. You don’t love someone because they love you. You love someone because you choose to love that person. If we only loved people because they loved us…well, there will be days we won’t find anyone to love. The same goes for all other qualities, like trust, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement and the list goes on.

I am blessed to have daddy. He is not a perfect man (thank God for that!) but he is absolutely perfect for me and I only pray and hope that you find a prince like daddy :) After all, we only want the best for you!

But remember, love is not a fairytale. It is nothing like the movies. In fact, it’s even more beautiful and significant. It’s something that takes years to perfect and it requires commitment, not feelings. So remember these little words of wisdom, I have shared with you. Because one day when you are down in a pit of despair, they might give you some hope.

We love you!

Big cuddles,

Mummy

P.S.: This is such a beautiful song, enjoy :)

How I Met Your Father.

Hi my baby girl,

So I probably should have started all my letters by telling you this important story but oh well. Here it is now.

How I met your father.

If you haven’t gathered it by now, your dad is from Finland and I’m from Sri Lanka. So we are from two very different ends of the earth, two very different cultures. He lives in an igloo, while I live in a furnace. He is white and I am…chocolatay.

September 2007. I remember the first day I saw your dad and his family. It was in 2007 at Church in Sri Lanka. They had just come to our church and had started working in Sri Lanka and I was leaving our church because I was moving to Malaysia to do my degree. I noticed 4 white heads in the sea of brown people and I remember thinking, ‘I wonder who the new-comers are’ But that was all the thought I gave them at that time.

I left to uni, had a ball of a time there and in the summer of 2009, I came back to Sri Lanka for a holiday and it was also the 2^nd time I met your dad. 

September 2009. The youth in our church happened to go to the beach for the day. There were about 6 of us and it wasn’t hard to notice the quiet, shy white boy seated at the back of the van. I remember getting into the van and smiling at your dad and saying hi. The first thought I had when I looked into his eyes was , “He seems kind”

So we spent the day out and I tried, I really did try, to talk to him and make him feel more welcome in the group. What I didn’t know were that Finns are extremely shy when you first meet them. So for every question I asked, he gave me a one word answer. And after that I just gave up thinking, “Man, this boy is ruuuuude” But that wasn’t the case, at all!

A few days after our beach encounter, he added me on facebook (ah, what would we do without facebook?) But I went to uni and I forgot about him and he forgot about me. Time passed on and the following few months were both difficult months for both of us as individuals. It was a time in our lives when God was cleaning us from the inside out, getting rid of bad habits and getting us ready for something. We just didn’t know what. Also I had been praying since June 2009 for the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. I wrote down a list of the qualities of the man I would like to marry and I brought it before God every day. What I didn't know was that God was actually working on that list!

10^th December 2009. Daddy randomly writes on my wall on facebook. At first I was thinking, “Ok no boy just ‘randomly’ writes on a stranger’s wall. So either he is flirting or he is crazy” I actually told this to one of my friends in uni. And this was 2 days before I was to come back to Sri Lanka for the Christmas holidays. In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to go back for those holidays but I think God had a secret plan ;)

So I decided to write back to him even though I thought he may be crazy and we actually started talking about pretty normal things. We would talk nearly every day and we got very close in a short period of time. What I loved most about talking to daddy was that we talked about important things. We talked about God, the Bible, life, love, music, our pasts, our weaknesses and strengths, our dreams, our desires for the future. And it was funny because he liked another girl, and I liked another boy but God somehow managed to erase everyone else from our minds in that short period of time. And the more we talked, the more I realized, 'hey I like this boy's heart!'

However, in my mind, I was thinking I would only date this boy if there was a chance of getting married to him, but it seemed too much of a risk to take. Where would we both live? How would we learn to live with all our differences? I had all these questions in my mind so I would pray about that and share my woes with God, hoping for a sign. I even remember joking with daddy while talking saying, ‘Hey wouldn’t it be easy if the man I was to marry had a big heart or a sign on his forehead or body saying I’M THE ONE!!’ And then a few days later the youth went out to a waterpark and we were hanging out in the wavepool when I noticed a sunburn on daddy’s chest in the exact shape of a heart. I quietly freaked out on inside :D But of course, I needed more than that to know if this was from God or not!

4^th January 2010. My grand holiday in Sri Lanka had come to an end and I was planning to head back to Malaysia for my final and most crucial semester before I graduated. 2 hours before I had to leave to airport, your father tells me he likes me. Now what do I do?? So I gave him no answer. Instead I told him, I like you but God needs to tell me for sure if this relationship is His will or not. So we both agreed that we would spend one week without any kind of communication and we will pray especially regarding this matter.

So that’s what we did. But before that, we agreed to talk to both our parents. I was NERVOUS. I very sneakily wrote an email to my parents explaining the situation. I remember on that list of qualities I presented to God each day, I told God that one condition I need is that my father has to say yes on the first time I ask him. I wouldn’t need to beg or try very hard to convince him, because God needs to talk to Him. My parents read the email and they just said, ‘ok we will pray too’

9^th January 2010. This was the first day we spoke after praying. God had spoken to daddy and God had spoken to me and we decided, yes. Even though it doesn’t make sense to us, God gave us the peace in our hearts and in the hearts of our parents and we knew that if we entrusted our relationship to God, instead of trying to figure everything out on our own, this relationship would stand through every storm and turmoil. And baby, so many people said so many negative things to us to discourage us, but you must remember, the only opinion that counts is that of God's and of course your parents. No matter what you do or go through, use the word of God and His voice to lead, guide and mold your steps. Not the opinions of the world or friends or anyone :)

We have been together for over 2 years and we have been married for nearly 8 months and though it has not always been easy, it has been a blessed time together and we can’t wait to grow old together and mostly, we can’t wait to see you and hold you and love you!

some pictures throughout the years <3

Any kind of wisdom that I can give to you, my precious, from my experiences is this. Let God choose your husband for you. He will only choose the best and the finest man for you. Until then, don’t get distracted by other boys who will only damage your heart and body. Listen to the voice of your Father in Heaven and let Him guide you to the right boy. Keep your eyes on the prize and guard your beautiful heart. Give it only to the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. And yes, you may feel like you have to wait forever, but wait. It’ll be worth every single second!

I love you my baby girl. I only want to see you happy and safe.

Love and cuddles,

Mummy

My 2011 (Part 2 - Finland)

Hey baby girl,

So I have started this letter many times and failed to finish writing it. I guess it has been hard and emotional to write this. Probably as it has been few of the hardest months in my life. So here I go, this time I hope I can finish it.

I landed in Finland on the 7^th of July 2011. It was summer and it was beautiful. My first few hours in Finland were like some sort of dream. I hadn’t quite realized what has happened. A part of me was sad, a part of me was excited. I just didn't know what to feel or think exactly.

The first few weeks were both fun and stressful for me. I had a great summer here. It was absolutely beautiful nature and so much to do and so many lovely things to eat! It was also lovely meeting Daddy’s family and friends. But meeting so many new people and trying to remember their faces and names was also quite stressful. And to add to that Daddy and I didn’t have a home so we lived from suitcases for a month. We didn’t have any idea of what we were going to do, where we were going to live, how we were going to support ourselves. Everything was left open for us and it was a little scary.

But the hardest part was people didn’t speak English here. So I felt thoroughly excluded from conversations. Everyone kept telling me to learn Finnish but what they didn’t realize was you can’t learn Finnish in 2 weeks. It’s one of the hardest languages to learn and I was scared that for months and months and maybe years, I would be the silent observer in ever conversation. I was also scared that I would not be able to make new friends because I wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone. But more about that later.

So having nothing except two suitcases, we prayed. Within a month, God gave us a beautiful little apartment in such a convenient location. He blessed daddy with a job in the same week! And life got started for us...

It was scary for me being a new wife. I was in a new country so things were quite unfamiliar. It's not easy being newly married and moving to a new place and having to learn so much in such little time. I didn’t know how to cook or bake. And to make things worse, in the grocery store, nothing is in English. So God and Google Translator were my best friends. And I remember telling God, “Ok Juho is going to come home from work today and I need to put some dinner on the table. What do I do??” But step by step, God helped me. I remember the fear I experienced as Daddy had his first bite of the garlic chicken I made for dinner for the first time by myself. He survived ;) Little by little, God taught me how to cook and bake, run a house and helped me adjust into my role as a wife. God is the best and most patient teacher you will find. Remember that.

But from here things started going downhill. Daddy would work very long hours. Sometimes he would leave home at 6am and come back by 10pm. And all this time, I was alone at home. I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have friends, I didn’t have family. I became very lonely. I would cry out to God asking Him, “WHY did you bring me to this place? I am just wasting away in this country. What do You want me to do here??”  Many times I would reach out to the phone to call my parents to ask them to book me a ticket back home, but every single time God said, “No. I have a plan and a purpose for your life. Don’t look back.”

I was sinking further and further into depression until after about 2 or 3 months of feeling sorry for myself I decided, NO from today I am going to surrender to God’s will. I made a decision that I am not going to complain about being in Finland or being alone. Because I am not alone. God is right here with me. I decided to love Finland, love Finnish and love Finns. I made a choice that I was not going to waste time being sad, instead I would make the best of this situation. And after all, if God brought me here, God will take me through!

I started by praying for a job. Everyone told me, you can’t speak Finnish and therefore you won’t get a job. Within 2 weeks, I got a job. I work in English and I can work from home and my boss is such a lovely person. And it was a miracle because my boss was praying for an assistant at the same time I was praying for a job!

I started praying for a church. There was an English and Finnish church we attended on and off but I felt like God asking us to join the Finnish church full-time. It didn’t make sense to me as the whole service is in Finnish and I couldn’t understand a thing. But Daddy and I obeyed God and joined the Finnish church. The moment we joined they invited us to join the worship team and help out with the youth. I was scared because how would I communicate with people? But they were so kind-hearted and caring that even though they would usually speak in Finnish, because I was there, they conducted their meetings in English too, even thought it was hard for everyone else. I felt so loved and part of their family. I led worship at our youth night and I sang in Finnish! I was SO nervous ‘cos I had no idea of what I was singing but it was still awesome to worship God in another language. Now this week I will be teaching at the youth night, in English! Yeah, God is good! And not only our church but He also opened so many doors for Daddy and I to minister in many other churches around Finland.

I then started praying for friends and God brought so many lovely people into my life. Not only that, He made it possible for my parents to visit Finland during Christmas and even for my bestfriend to come visit Finland!!

And finally, the greatest miracle. I was struggling to learn Finnish. At first, I was angry at the people around me because they were speaking in Finnish and it seemed like nobody cared I was in the room and I couldn’t understand. So I told God, ‘No. I am going to speak Finnish fluently before the end of 2012’ And you will not believe how much my Finnish has improved! It’s not perfect but I was able translate quite abit for my bestfriend here when people speak to her in Finnish. I can literally hear the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear what people are saying around me.

These last 6-7 months have been hard but also I have learned many things. We are never alone. God is always with us and if we let Him, He can move mountains around us. He had to break me first though. I had to surrender to Him. That was the hardest part, but I’m glad it happened. Cos I learned to depend on Him more and less on myself. I learned to change my attitude first, before the situation around me changed. And most of all, I learned to be brave and face challenges instead of run away from them!

And now instead of complaining about what I lost or don’t have, I thank God for what I do have. An amazing husband who has been so supportive all the way, a loving and caring family, a great church with a big heart, wonderful friends, a job I love doing and of course, the ability to speak and understand some Finnish.

God is good, baby girl. Trust in Him and He will never let you down.

….and that concludes, my 2011! 2012 is going to be even greater!

Love you always and I’m waiting for you,

Mummy

My 2011 (Part 1- Sri Lanka)

Hey baby girl,

So it’s 2012!!! A new year! It seems like I blinked and then 2011 flew by so fast.

2011 was a big year for mummy & daddy. A lot of changes and a lot of decisions and big steps were taken. So I’d like to run you through our 2011 in a very big nutshell. This is going to be long, so don’t fall asleep reading this one ;)

The start of the year was somewhat undecided. There were so many decisions to make. I was only 21 and in a few weeks I had to decide what my whole year and possibly my future was going to look like. I was really scared. At that time, mummy and daddy had prayed and with God’s peace, we decided we wanted to get married in June. We told our parents and after the initial heart attacks, they prayed too and agreed! Hurah!

Now came the next steps. What were we going to do after our wedding? I wanted to live in Sri Lanka. I had just got back from Malaysia about 6 months ago and I didn’t want to leave to a new country so soon! I was determined NOT to go to Finland!! I didn’t know the language, I wouldn’t be able to work, I didn’t know anyone there, daddy wouldn’t have a job, we didn’t have a house, we didn’t have money and basically we didn’t have anything! So, no, I’m not going to Finland.

We started looking for apartments and jobs for me and daddy in Sri Lanka. Every time we walked into a place, I felt God saying, no. I was getting more and more frustrated. Until one day, my mummy and her friend was praying and God gave them a vision. And my mummy comes home and tells me, “You have to go to Finland. That’s what God wants from you” I think I felt like my legs melting into the ground. My heart breaking slowly and all hope vanishing. And then to make it worse, my daddy says the same thing!

But I love God. I knew He doesn’t just say things. So I went back and with a downcast heart, I prayed. I asked Him what He wanted from me. Sometime that week, I had a dream. I was walking through a desert and it was dry and sandy. Suddenly from no where your daddy follows me in to the desert and immediately snow started falling. I got startled in the dream and I started running and this time I ran into a garden with pretty flowers. Then your daddy ran into the same garden and AGAIN snow started falling. I started running until I could run no more but there was still snow. Then I turned around and ran to your daddy and when we held hands, the snow turned back into that beautiful garden. At that moment, I knew what God was telling me. You can’t run away from His plan for you. His plan is perfect and He always thinks of what’s best for us, even if we can’t see it that way at first. So guess what, I told your daddy, we are going to Finland!

So now starts the wedding planning. My goodness that in itself is a tremendous task. And then your daddy informs me that he is going to Finland for 3 months before our wedding. I was like WHAT?! But then we both felt that it’s best if he goes to work in Finland for a few months and prepare the way for when we move there in July. He also had to do his entrance exams for Uni. I knew this was the wisest thing to do, but inside I was scared. I would have to plan this wedding alone. But I thank God for my wonderful parents and family and friends who did help. Especially my mother. If not for her, I don’t know what I would have done.

But nevertheless, those 3 months were very hard for me. I had to prepare myself mentally that I would have to leave my home again and this time I don’t know when I would be coming back. I fell very sick in-between. I was missing your daddy. I was exhausted as I was juggling work, driving classes, wedding planning and of course, trying to soak in the last bits of Sri Lanka as I could! I would go to sleep crying most nights because I felt like I couldn’t leave my family again or I wasn’t ready for Finland. Time went on like this, but through it all, God was there with me. He was my only true friend and companion. Every time I was about to give up, He would miraculously pick me up and keep me going. And I say that to encourage you, baby girl. He will be your closest and most faithful friend. Remember that!

Those 3 months passed and in those 3 months, the wedding got planned, I worked at an amazing place with such a wonderful and encouraging boss, I passed my driving test (HURAH!), your daddy came back (DOUBLE HURAH!) and finally, the arrival of our wedding day! The only thing I wanted from our wedding was that not only daddy & I would be blessed but our beloved friends and family would have something to take away from it. And I believe God answered our prayers in some ways!

We got married, had a lovely honeymoon and the days grew closer for us to leave to Finland. It was hard. I forced myself not to cry in front of my family or friends. Only daddy knows the sorrow I carried inside. But to say bye to my parents at the airport was heart-breaking! Nevertheless, I had to do it! We boarded the plane and together, daddy and I set off to face new challenges….

Tomorrow I will finish this letter for you…I will tell you about the next 6 months of my life in Finland in my next letter. But for now let me tell you the few things I have learned through all of this.

Be obedient to God. Face challenges, do not run away from them. Don't ever give up.

I love you always and forever.

Love,

Mummy

Pictures from our first 6 months of 2011

Four.

Hey baby girl,

So yesterday daddy and I have been married for 4 months! *does a celebratory dance*

So in honour of that I have made a small list of some (not all, obviously!) of the things that I love about your daddy...

1. The scrunchy face he makes when he thinks
2. The boyish excitement he exhumes when a cool car passes by
3. The wierd things he does in his sleep (sing, yell things in Finnish, peek over the sides of the bed for no apparent reason, poke me in the eye etc.)
4. How he kisses me and says 'thank you' every morning after breakfast
5. How much he loves God
6. How he tolerates my utter ridiculouness
7. How when we fight he slowly comes and tries to hold my hand
8. How he steals the quilt at night (I'm kidding, it bugs me like nothing)
9. The way he checks out his biceps randomly while talking to me
10. His cute little text messages during the day
11. His hair flip
12. His little dance to Justin Timberlake's song, 'My Love'
13. His penguin & chicken dance
14. The lame jokes he cracks
15. The way he sighs after a lame joke and goes 'okay that was lame'
16. His gigantic squishes
17. How he hides under the quilt in the morning and refuses to get out of bed
18. How supportive and encouraging he is
19. His Mr. Bean voice
20. What a good cook he is
21. How he never gives up
22. His beautiful grey-blue-green eyes
23. His constant need to scientifically explain things
24. How he can make a sad, gloomy day look so much better
25. The look in his eyes when he tells me that I'm beautiful
26. His big dreams
27. How much he loves his little sister
28. How respectful and honourable he is
29. His eyebrow wiggle
30. That he knew he wanted to love me and be with me for the rest of his life :)

These are just 30 reasons. Trust me, I can't even count all the reasons why I love him. But I think it's really important to notice and love the little things about your partner. Because after all, we are all just normal people. Your future husband may not buy you a castle and a white pony and give you diamonds every day. But he may wash the dishes for you and tell you that you're beautiful and be patient with you and darling, in marriage those are the things which are important. So remember that when you pick that lucky guy!

And I'm sure to people who have been married for years and years, 4 months is probably not a very big deal. Nevertheless, whether 4 months or 40 years, I personally believe not a second should be taken for a granted. 'Cos I can't imagine waking up and daddy not being there anymore. I just can't picture it. That's how much he has changed my life. 

So what I am trying to say is when you find that special someone, celebrate everyday! Don't wait for birthdays and Christmas and anniversaries to celebrate. Celebrate your partner everyday! Appreciate them everyday. I guess it does get harder to do when you are living with someone and you see them everyday. But say thank you for the smallest things and mean it! The people who have to put up with us everyday are the ones who should be thanked the most I guess :D

I'm sure you're going to be a great wife :)

Love,
Mummy

P.S.- Here is a cute cheesy love song by Joshua Radin which mummy loves :)

I already love you...

To my baby girl,

I don’t know you yet, my darling. I haven’t seen your little fingers and your miniscule feet. I haven’t seen the colour of your jewel eyes. I don’t even know what the tone of your skin will be. Will you have curly hair like mine? Or beautiful silky hair like your daddy? I can’t picture you yet, but I already love you. In fact, I adore you. Tears are coming to my eyes, because I never thought it was possible to love someone before you met them. But I know now, I love you already.

I’m sure it will be a few years before I meet you, but I will continue to write these letters to write to you, and someday when you are grown up, hopefully you will read them.

I’m sharing my life with you, my precious. For the simple reason that I want you to know how human I am. I want you to know that I have made mistakes, just like you will. I want you to know that even though most days are good, I also have bad days. Because one day you may grow up to think that mommy and daddy have forgotten what it’s like to be young. That we are super-human. But I don’t think we could ever forget our youth. I want to share my lessons with you, my success and my failure. I want you to read these some day and know that mummy does understand what it’s like to have your heart-broken or mummy does know what it’s like to be lonely and scared. But most of all, I want you to know that mummy went through some hard times but those hard times always pass. I also want to share God with you. He has been my closest and best-friend since I was born, and I want Him to be yours too. He will always stand by you. Trust me on this.

I don’t ever want to see you hurt, although I know maybe I will. That breaks my heart even now. To think you could be hurt. But hopefully through the little lessons I share with you, I hope you could learn to avoid some of those things which could hurt you. They say a wise person learns from a fool’s mistakes. Learn from mine, my precious.

This is my heart which I will continue to share with you over the many months and years. I want to see you grow up into a beautiful lady someday. A smart and wise woman who loves God with all her heart and knows how to love people too.

That is all, for now. I love you so much. I dream of the day I will hold your tiny frame in my arms.

With much love,

Your mummy.