"But You're So Young!"

Hello my darling,

Your father and I have been married for 1½ years now. I was 21 and he was 20 when we got married. And even up to now, I still have people who say to me, 'Why would you get married so young? Why don't you enjoy your life first?'

Even before your father and I started dating, we talked about marriage. I think we both knew that we didn't want to date for the sake of dating. If I was going to date someone, I wanted it to be my future husband. So after a lot of prayer and thought, we started dating and in 9 months we announced our engagement. I can count on my hands the number of people who were supportive of our decision. In other words, there were very few. Some people even had the audacity to ask me if I'm pregnant. As if that was the only sane reason as to why a person should get married. Then others brought up the famous statement, 'You should first enjoy your youth before you get married' As if getting married somehow caused you to age faster and robbed you of your hair and every joy you may ever have.

It made me think a little and I realized what a warped and strange idea people had of marriage. The world has portrayed marriage to appear as some sort of cage. Some form of imprisonment or punishment. Very few people said to me, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man, sharing and enjoying your youth and future with him??' It was more like, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to be stuck with the same man for the rest of your life??'

And it saddened me. Because I have not enjoyed my life as much as I have with your father. It hasn't been all sunshine and ponies, let me tell you that. But I would not trade this life for anything else. For all the 'freedom' in the world. For with him, I am completely free. Free to be myself, free to dream, free to hope, free to be sad and free to be happy. I wake up in the morning to the same person and yes, that is wonderful. Because it reminds me that there is a man on this earth who loves me so much and whether it be good or bad days, he has chosen and promised to be by my side. And all those things that people thought I would miss out on? Not only have I not missed out on anything, I've even had my bestfriend with me to laugh and cry through it all. It doesn't get any better than that.

So why am I writing this? Simply to say, don't underestimate the beauty and power of marriage. Today people very rarely give marriage a thought. Just living together will do. Marriage has become equivalent to a wedding. Getting married means having the perfect wedding. But marriage is so much more than a wedding. The promises and the commitment your father and I made to each other before God keep us going through the tough times. I can't and I won't just walk out one day 'cos I feel like I'm not in love today. We are not roommates, we are husband and wife.

So in an age when divorce is fashinonable and relationships only last for as long as a mudcake would in my fridge, treasure marriage. Respect it and honour it. It's not and it shouldn't be a prison. It's most certainly not easy and you will face MANY challenges, but enjoy it. When marriage is approached with the right attitude, it's one of the most magnificent experiences you could have. It's a place you can grow tremendously and it can chisel and polish you until you shine bright as ever.

I pray that oneday you will find a wonderful husband who brings out the absolute best in you, like your father does in me.

Much love,

Mummy

Valentine Shmalentine.

Hi baby girl,

First of all, I love you.

Secondly, today is ‘Valentine’s Day’. Another pointless day people celebrate by spending ridiculous amounts of money, stuffing their faces with little balls of diabetes, getting wasted and all in the name of showing that someone ‘special’ that they love them. This is one day that disgusts me the most. Why?

Firstly, if someone is really special to you, why are we dedicating just one day of the year to show them our true, deep feelings? Why not lavish them with your love every day of the year? Why not have candle-lit dinners every night? Why just today?

And then it got me thinking about the age we live in where the whole meaning of love has been disillusioned and corrupted by sex, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the moronic reality shows we follow.

We are taught to ‘follow our heart’ and we are told that ‘it’s ok if we can’t help how we feel’ or that ‘it’s ok to fall out of love’. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It’s almost 'cool'. And somehow everyone has gotten very comfortable with this cycle.

I want you to remember this. Listen to me carefully. Choose the man you are going to marry with wisdom and obedience to God’s voice. Don’t just marry a man because he pulls the chair out for you or holds doors open for you or because he calls you beautiful. Don’t marry a man because he is good-looking or has a super fit body. Don’t marry a man because he has a similar taste in music. All of those shallow things could fade. Marry a man because after seeking God’s face, He gives you the peace and assurance in your heart that this is the man you must spend the rest of your life with. And also marry a man who loves Jesus with all of his heart.

After that, no matter what obstacles come your way, you don’t give up. Why? Because you made a promise to him and to God. There are going to be days you don’t ‘feel’ like you’re in love. It’s not going to ALWAYS be sunshine and ponies. Some of those quirky little traits about him will become simply annoying. Some days you won’t have anything to talk about. He may not always open doors and pull out chairs for you. He may be insensitive some days. He may not call you beautiful all the time. He may betray your trust. He may not meet your expectations. There are going to be days you are going to want to walk out and quit. There are days when your 'heart' tells you to give up 'cos it's pointless. But you don’t. Because you made a promise. We live in a generation that doesn’t keep their word. But you must be different. If there is only one promise you make in your life, let it be this and then keep it until you die.

You don’t follow your heart. You follow through with the promise you made to your partner.

People don’t fall out of love. They just choose to stop loving the other person when things become too difficult or uncomfortable.

You can help how you feel. This is how you do it. You write down how you feel. Whether it’s pain, anger, betrayal, sorrow, grief, jealousy, distrust, hopelessness, despair, fear and the list goes on. And next to that you write down what you need to do and what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love and then you do it, regardless of how you feel. That is what honouring a commitment means.

And this is the most important thing to remember. You can look at the other person and complain about how much he has changed. But I can guarantee you this. You changed first. This is something I as a wife struggled to accept at first. I can’t change daddy. I can only change myself. He is not responsible for my happiness. I am. In fact, the more I focused on changing myself and less on changing him, he and I were both so much happier.

And remember, marriage or any relationship is not a tit-for-tat game. You don’t love someone because they love you. You love someone because you choose to love that person. If we only loved people because they loved us…well, there will be days we won’t find anyone to love. The same goes for all other qualities, like trust, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement and the list goes on.

I am blessed to have daddy. He is not a perfect man (thank God for that!) but he is absolutely perfect for me and I only pray and hope that you find a prince like daddy :) After all, we only want the best for you!

But remember, love is not a fairytale. It is nothing like the movies. In fact, it’s even more beautiful and significant. It’s something that takes years to perfect and it requires commitment, not feelings. So remember these little words of wisdom, I have shared with you. Because one day when you are down in a pit of despair, they might give you some hope.

We love you!

Big cuddles,

Mummy

P.S.: This is such a beautiful song, enjoy :)

How I Met Your Father.

Hi my baby girl,

So I probably should have started all my letters by telling you this important story but oh well. Here it is now.

How I met your father.

If you haven’t gathered it by now, your dad is from Finland and I’m from Sri Lanka. So we are from two very different ends of the earth, two very different cultures. He lives in an igloo, while I live in a furnace. He is white and I am…chocolatay.

September 2007. I remember the first day I saw your dad and his family. It was in 2007 at Church in Sri Lanka. They had just come to our church and had started working in Sri Lanka and I was leaving our church because I was moving to Malaysia to do my degree. I noticed 4 white heads in the sea of brown people and I remember thinking, ‘I wonder who the new-comers are’ But that was all the thought I gave them at that time.

I left to uni, had a ball of a time there and in the summer of 2009, I came back to Sri Lanka for a holiday and it was also the 2^nd time I met your dad. 

September 2009. The youth in our church happened to go to the beach for the day. There were about 6 of us and it wasn’t hard to notice the quiet, shy white boy seated at the back of the van. I remember getting into the van and smiling at your dad and saying hi. The first thought I had when I looked into his eyes was , “He seems kind”

So we spent the day out and I tried, I really did try, to talk to him and make him feel more welcome in the group. What I didn’t know were that Finns are extremely shy when you first meet them. So for every question I asked, he gave me a one word answer. And after that I just gave up thinking, “Man, this boy is ruuuuude” But that wasn’t the case, at all!

A few days after our beach encounter, he added me on facebook (ah, what would we do without facebook?) But I went to uni and I forgot about him and he forgot about me. Time passed on and the following few months were both difficult months for both of us as individuals. It was a time in our lives when God was cleaning us from the inside out, getting rid of bad habits and getting us ready for something. We just didn’t know what. Also I had been praying since June 2009 for the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. I wrote down a list of the qualities of the man I would like to marry and I brought it before God every day. What I didn't know was that God was actually working on that list!

10^th December 2009. Daddy randomly writes on my wall on facebook. At first I was thinking, “Ok no boy just ‘randomly’ writes on a stranger’s wall. So either he is flirting or he is crazy” I actually told this to one of my friends in uni. And this was 2 days before I was to come back to Sri Lanka for the Christmas holidays. In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to go back for those holidays but I think God had a secret plan ;)

So I decided to write back to him even though I thought he may be crazy and we actually started talking about pretty normal things. We would talk nearly every day and we got very close in a short period of time. What I loved most about talking to daddy was that we talked about important things. We talked about God, the Bible, life, love, music, our pasts, our weaknesses and strengths, our dreams, our desires for the future. And it was funny because he liked another girl, and I liked another boy but God somehow managed to erase everyone else from our minds in that short period of time. And the more we talked, the more I realized, 'hey I like this boy's heart!'

However, in my mind, I was thinking I would only date this boy if there was a chance of getting married to him, but it seemed too much of a risk to take. Where would we both live? How would we learn to live with all our differences? I had all these questions in my mind so I would pray about that and share my woes with God, hoping for a sign. I even remember joking with daddy while talking saying, ‘Hey wouldn’t it be easy if the man I was to marry had a big heart or a sign on his forehead or body saying I’M THE ONE!!’ And then a few days later the youth went out to a waterpark and we were hanging out in the wavepool when I noticed a sunburn on daddy’s chest in the exact shape of a heart. I quietly freaked out on inside :D But of course, I needed more than that to know if this was from God or not!

4^th January 2010. My grand holiday in Sri Lanka had come to an end and I was planning to head back to Malaysia for my final and most crucial semester before I graduated. 2 hours before I had to leave to airport, your father tells me he likes me. Now what do I do?? So I gave him no answer. Instead I told him, I like you but God needs to tell me for sure if this relationship is His will or not. So we both agreed that we would spend one week without any kind of communication and we will pray especially regarding this matter.

So that’s what we did. But before that, we agreed to talk to both our parents. I was NERVOUS. I very sneakily wrote an email to my parents explaining the situation. I remember on that list of qualities I presented to God each day, I told God that one condition I need is that my father has to say yes on the first time I ask him. I wouldn’t need to beg or try very hard to convince him, because God needs to talk to Him. My parents read the email and they just said, ‘ok we will pray too’

9^th January 2010. This was the first day we spoke after praying. God had spoken to daddy and God had spoken to me and we decided, yes. Even though it doesn’t make sense to us, God gave us the peace in our hearts and in the hearts of our parents and we knew that if we entrusted our relationship to God, instead of trying to figure everything out on our own, this relationship would stand through every storm and turmoil. And baby, so many people said so many negative things to us to discourage us, but you must remember, the only opinion that counts is that of God's and of course your parents. No matter what you do or go through, use the word of God and His voice to lead, guide and mold your steps. Not the opinions of the world or friends or anyone :)

We have been together for over 2 years and we have been married for nearly 8 months and though it has not always been easy, it has been a blessed time together and we can’t wait to grow old together and mostly, we can’t wait to see you and hold you and love you!

some pictures throughout the years <3

Any kind of wisdom that I can give to you, my precious, from my experiences is this. Let God choose your husband for you. He will only choose the best and the finest man for you. Until then, don’t get distracted by other boys who will only damage your heart and body. Listen to the voice of your Father in Heaven and let Him guide you to the right boy. Keep your eyes on the prize and guard your beautiful heart. Give it only to the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. And yes, you may feel like you have to wait forever, but wait. It’ll be worth every single second!

I love you my baby girl. I only want to see you happy and safe.

Love and cuddles,

Mummy

Four.

Hey baby girl,

So yesterday daddy and I have been married for 4 months! *does a celebratory dance*

So in honour of that I have made a small list of some (not all, obviously!) of the things that I love about your daddy...

1. The scrunchy face he makes when he thinks
2. The boyish excitement he exhumes when a cool car passes by
3. The wierd things he does in his sleep (sing, yell things in Finnish, peek over the sides of the bed for no apparent reason, poke me in the eye etc.)
4. How he kisses me and says 'thank you' every morning after breakfast
5. How much he loves God
6. How he tolerates my utter ridiculouness
7. How when we fight he slowly comes and tries to hold my hand
8. How he steals the quilt at night (I'm kidding, it bugs me like nothing)
9. The way he checks out his biceps randomly while talking to me
10. His cute little text messages during the day
11. His hair flip
12. His little dance to Justin Timberlake's song, 'My Love'
13. His penguin & chicken dance
14. The lame jokes he cracks
15. The way he sighs after a lame joke and goes 'okay that was lame'
16. His gigantic squishes
17. How he hides under the quilt in the morning and refuses to get out of bed
18. How supportive and encouraging he is
19. His Mr. Bean voice
20. What a good cook he is
21. How he never gives up
22. His beautiful grey-blue-green eyes
23. His constant need to scientifically explain things
24. How he can make a sad, gloomy day look so much better
25. The look in his eyes when he tells me that I'm beautiful
26. His big dreams
27. How much he loves his little sister
28. How respectful and honourable he is
29. His eyebrow wiggle
30. That he knew he wanted to love me and be with me for the rest of his life :)

These are just 30 reasons. Trust me, I can't even count all the reasons why I love him. But I think it's really important to notice and love the little things about your partner. Because after all, we are all just normal people. Your future husband may not buy you a castle and a white pony and give you diamonds every day. But he may wash the dishes for you and tell you that you're beautiful and be patient with you and darling, in marriage those are the things which are important. So remember that when you pick that lucky guy!

And I'm sure to people who have been married for years and years, 4 months is probably not a very big deal. Nevertheless, whether 4 months or 40 years, I personally believe not a second should be taken for a granted. 'Cos I can't imagine waking up and daddy not being there anymore. I just can't picture it. That's how much he has changed my life. 

So what I am trying to say is when you find that special someone, celebrate everyday! Don't wait for birthdays and Christmas and anniversaries to celebrate. Celebrate your partner everyday! Appreciate them everyday. I guess it does get harder to do when you are living with someone and you see them everyday. But say thank you for the smallest things and mean it! The people who have to put up with us everyday are the ones who should be thanked the most I guess :D

I'm sure you're going to be a great wife :)

Love,
Mummy

P.S.- Here is a cute cheesy love song by Joshua Radin which mummy loves :)