Brown & beautiful, baby!

Hey baby girl,

It’s been a couple of busy days these last few days. Mummy’s parents are here! And it’s quite exciting!

However, today I saw a video a young boy had posted on youtube. It seems he has been bullied throughout his school life.(Video here: 'What's Going On?" )While watching this video, I remembered the times I have been bullied myself in school.

As I have told you in one of my earlier letters, when I was in Australia, during my first year I was bullied for having dark skin and looking like a little boy. It was hard at first because I was a very timid girl back then. But I learned to fight back and overcome those insults.

Mummy, age 5 or 6, in Aussie

And I thought when I go back to Sri Lanka, my home, people would accept me. But sadly, they were even more narrow-minded.  A common mindset in Asian countries and one which I find utterly disgusting, is that fair is beautiful. So you can imagine how darker girls get overlooked very easily. So when I went back to school in Sri Lanka, my home, I was STILL bullied for having dark skin. Some famous nicknames I had were “Kalu Kella” (Black girl) or “Kalu Kaakka” (Black crow). Naturally I was confused. How could these people, my own people, look and talk about me this way? I just got back from Australia hoping that the bullying would end. So for some years in school, this continued. I laughed on the outside, but on the inside I started hating my skin colour. I felt ugly and angry. All I would think was why did God make me this colour? Why am I so ugly?

It took me a long time to become comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t want to hate myself anymore. It was too exhausting and I was wasting precious time! I needed to be sure of who I was and I needed to love it, because until I was sure and until I loved myself, nobody else would either. It took me a long time to realize that no matter what other people say, the truth cannot be changed. And the truth is that I am beautiful, chocolate skin and all! Why is this the truth? Because in the Bible, David tells God, in Psalm 139,

 ¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 ¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it

In the same way, God took trouble to put me together. He carefully chose every part of me and with skill He put it all together and He looked at me and said, “Oh this is perfect!”

So I could either choose to listen to the lies of mere mortal humans or believe the most beautiful truth that God Himself made me wonderfully complex and marvelous! And let me tell you darling, the truth sets you free!

Brown and beautiful, baby! WOOT!

 Now why do I tell you this? Because someday, I’m sure you are going to stand in front of the mirror and criticize your nose or your hair or your eyes or your body. But in those moments, I want you to remember who created you. You were not a haphazard mistake. You were wonderfully and marvelously knit together. You are a masterpiece, my baby! And no words or comments from other people will or can change that.

Now I’m not only talking about your looks. I’m talking about the labels people give us. Those people didn’t create you. Therefore, they have no right to decide on your behalf who you will be. But the truth is, we cannot stop or control people from airing their opinions or passing out their insensitive comments. The only thing we can control is whether we choose to believe them or not.

Something that I constantly try to do, is if someone says something mean or harsh to or about me, I go to God’s word and see what He says about me. Because what He says about me is always uplifting and encouraging and true. And when you soak yourself in the truth, all these external lies lose their power on you. It’s such an amazing feeling knowing that God who is Heaven, thinks about YOU! :)

Remember darling, your failure or success in life lies in what you believe. So choose carefully what you believe and always seek out the truth!

You are beautiful, not because you are my daughter, but because you are firstly God’s daughter.

Love always,

Mummy

My Heroes.

Dear baby girl,

EXCITING NEWS. Tomorrow MY mummy and daddy are coming to see me! :D WEE.

It's been 5 months since I've seen them and I've missed them a lot. You know, it's so easy to take your family for granted. That's something I've really understood these last few months.

When I came to Finland, the thing I missed most was being known and being loved for it. When I was in Sri Lanka, people knew me. They knew my name, my nature, my personality, my family. But here, I was a stranger to everyone. And I guess that was a hard thing to accept. When I was with my family, they knew me and they loved me just as I was, with all my flaws and  rough edges.

My parents. My two heroes. I'm the only child. So they were all mine and I was all theirs. They have gone above and beyond their call of duty to be good parents to me. I have not always seen it, but now, I see it. They have been people of principle and faith. Loving God devotedly and serving Him faithfully. The sacrifices they have made on behalf of me and hundreds of others is unbelievable. They gave when they didn't have and they did it joyfully. I learned most from my parents by watching them, not from their lectures. They lived what they preached. They have been my pillars of strength and support throughout my life with them. They were not perfect people, but they were the perfect parents for me.

My mum and dad on my graduation :)

However, I was not always a model child. I've definitely not been an easy child to raise. There were a few years in my life when I would be considered any parent's nightmare. During my teenage years I was quite rebellious. Something I regret today. But I have learned and I have grown and I have changed. However, now when I think of you, and how much I love you and adore you, I think of how much it would be break my heart if you lied to me or hid things from me. Not because of anything else, but because of how incredibly much I love you. That's something I guess a child could never understand, until they are put in a parent's position.

Nevertheless, my parents had to watch me go from one bad decision to another. I'm sure it broke their hearts. And every time I would fall flat on my face, they would pick me up in love, not anger. I used to sit and ponder, how could my mum and dad love me so much after all the pain I put them through? Something I couldn't understand. I could talk to them about anything. Even though so many times I rejected their advice and concern, I knew I could not get through this life without them. And what bugs me is that 99% of the time, they are right. Just remember that your mummy and daddy are always right ok? :)

No, but in love, the reason why I tell you this is because someday if you are anything like mummy when she was young, you might think I'm old-fashioned and insensitive and I don't understand how you feel. But remember that mummy was young once. I have been through some valuable experiences. I've had many broken hearts, I've had addictions, I've been beaten down, bullied and ignored, I've had eating disorders and a very low self-esteem and the list goes on and on. But the good news is, by God's amazing grace, I managed to overcome those things. So in those moments you feel like, okay my mum will not understand this, think again. I may not know EXACTLY how you feel, but I will try my best to. I may advise you and you may not agree with me. That's ok. But remember the best way to learn is from another person's mistakes. So I'm laying down all my mistakes before you. Please learn from them! I'm still going to make a lot of mistakes, even as a mummy. But at the end of the day, I want to be the best mummy I can possibly be.

I can never be grateful enough to God for blessing me with such incredible parents. All I ask from Him now, is that I could be as good to you as my parents have been to me.

You are precious.

Forever yours,
Mummy <3

P.s. :- You will probably make a lot of mistakes in life. But remember, no matter what, mummy and daddy will love you unconditionally. For sure.

...and this is a song I wrote in honour of my parents and anyone who sacrifices on behalf of others...it's called 'Superman'. Enjoy :)

You will not discriminate.

Dear baby girl,

Today I will write to you about something that is very hard for me to write because it means I have to dig deep into some of my hardest and possibly painful memories. Nevertheless, I must write about it because you must know. You mustn’t be shielded and hidden from unpleasant things. You must know them and understand the seriousness of these issues so that you never inflict those things upon others.

When mummy was a little girl, maybe around 4 or 5, my family moved to Australia. My parents were to study there and I went to school. My first year in Australia was a very hard one. When I went there I was a quiet, timid little girl. I had short, black, curly hair and I looked like a little boy. I was probably one of the 4 dark-skinned kids in my school. And of course, I was bullied for it. 

Mummy's first day of school, in Aussie

 They would call me names, compare me to shit, call me a boy, insult my parents, insult my God, even insult my grandmother. They would push me around or completely ignore me. So I spent most of my lunch breaks alone, walking around the big school. Or I had a small bush which I would eat my lunch in. I found comfort and solace in hiding.

But to make things worse, it wasn’t just the children. In my first grade, my own class teacher bullied me. She would keep me in the ‘dark room’ (the room where kids were put when they were punished) for no reason and make me write my ABC’s even though I knew how to read & write already. Once when someone in my class suggested that I should be made class monitor, she said no. Why? Because apparently I was stupid. Even though my reading, writing and spelling skills were far better than the other kids in my class. Thank God, my parents had me removed from that class and after taking a small test I was promoted to grade 2 in the middle of the year.

I was very scared as a little girl. I hated white people. I hated how they thought they were far superior than me simply because their skin was a lighter shade. I vowed that I would never marry a white man. I had been wounded too much as a little girl. And I believe the scars you receive when you are a small child are the ones hardest to heal.

But I grew up. I had to forgive those children and adults who hurt me. Instead of expecting them to change their thinking, I first had to change my thinking. I had to accept that all white people are not hurtful. All white people are not cruel and selfish and are not ignorant. In fact, they are beautifully human just like me. Now who I am married to? A Finn.

But this is what I have to tell you. As my daughter, you will not discriminate. You will not judge a man or woman or child by the colour of their skin. You will not look down on people because of their culture. You will never mock, joke or insult another human being because of where they come from. You will love people no matter how different they are from you. They did not choose the colour of their skin, or the country they were born in or the accent which they have, therefore you will NEVER mock them, insult them or humiliate them because of it. Do you understand me? You will also never think you are above anybody in this world. Because you are not. It doesn’t matter if you are the queen of a country, nobody is beneath you that you cannot respect their humanity. And when you see people being put down, you will stand up for them. You will not tolerate racism. Why? Because when I was being bullied, nobody stood up for me. And I cannot explain to you how much that hurt.

Love people. Be different. Think differently. I have faith that you will grow up with character and integrity and most of all, a heart for people.

I will love you always,

Mummy

Daddy is the best husband I could ask for  <3

Cover it up, girl.

Hey baby girl,

I’ve been troubled by something. Thus I’m going to share it with you. Listen carefully.

In today’s world, you can’t walk down the street, watch a movie, listen to a song on the radio, browse through a magazine without seeing a half-naked woman plastered all over it. Girls in skimpy little outfits exposing everything that is precious and should be treasured. Why? Because apparently it attracts buyers. Men mostly.

But the thing is, those pictures of girls, they are not just pictures. They are actual women. Somebody’s daughter. Somebody’s sister. Somebody’s mother. They are very human, just like me and just like you. And when people look at those images, very rarely do they remember that.I'm sure at least 90% of men would be ashamed to see their mother or daughter or even sister pose nude on a poster.

However people argue saying, well, if you got it, flaunt it. NO. If you got it, be damn grateful you have it and protect it. Your body is yours. You should be respecting it and honouring it. I mean how can you expect anyone else to respect you, if you can barely respect yourself? Am I being old-fashioned? No, I’m being intelligent. There is nothing old-fashioned about protecting important things. If you have a million dollars you aren’t going to run up and down the streets waving it for people to see, are you? No, if you were intelligent, you would store it safely in a bank. Only an idiot would be parading the cash, unsafely and unguarded.

Let me tell you what happens when women so carelessly walk around with barely any clothes on. It causes honorable men to fall. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are vile and disgusting. There are actually many men in this world who want to protect their minds and want to be honourable towards women. But we are so insensitive and selfish, that we think very little of how our rash actions can affect them. And what makes it worse is that when we expose all we have, and they fall, we turn around and point our fingers at them.

NO. This is our fault. We are responsible for what they see. We need to love and honour the good men in our lives by dressing appropriately. Help them. Appreciate the effort they are making to honour our dignity.

Would you run around on the beach in your underwear? Hopefully not. So why would you wear a bikini then? Doesn’t it cover up only as much as underwear would? We give names to things and we try to mask how things really are. But let’s face it. Women are just as, if not more responsible for the damage caused to our society by sex. We are trying so hard to be ‘attractive’ but there is nothing attractive about a woman who has no self-respect or dignity!

I’m not afraid to offend women all over the world. You're worth a million dollars so cover that body up, girl.

Honour men, by honouring yourself, my darling.

I will love you always,

Mummy.

P.S.- I love this song 'cos it's sung by a real man.

Christmas is not about reindeer.

Dear baby girl,

So Christmas is coming round the corner and I am mad. Like angry mad. I was just listening to some 'Christmas' music and all they are singing about is stupid reindeer and Christmas trees and stockings and Christmas eve.

I am going to inform you now. There is no such thing as Santa Claus. I mean Santa Claus is the dumbest thing ever invented. A big, fat man in a red suit riding around the world with reindeer with red, shiny noses in ONE EVENING spreading gifts to only good children. Whoever invented this story should be given a Nobel Prize for his moronism. And of course, parents use this load of crap to entice their children into being good and well behaved. My darling, I would never insult your intelligence by trying to make you believe this rubbish.

Let me tell you what Christmas is all about. One word. SACRIFICE. Christmas is all about God sacrificing His precious and only Son to an evil and selfish world. And no, Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December. But okay, people like to make a big deal out that day. Personally, I don't care which day Jesus was born. What matters is that He was born. God trusted us humans with His beloved Son. I mean, doesn't that awe you? And look what we did to Him.

So hurrah for Christmas eve and decorations and dinners with your family and gifts and blah blah. If your Christmas is not about being a blessing to people who actually need it, then you're just wasting this precious time of year. I mean why are we spending so much money buying gifts for our family members who have pretty much everything they need, when we should be buying gifts for those less fortunate? Those kids who don't have parents or the older folk who have been forgotten by their own children. What are we doing for them? Nothing. Instead we choose to sit around a table full of people who have more than they need, selfishly laughing and being happy with each other and gobbling down tons of food which isn't even good for us! We choose to buy gifts for ourselves and our 'loved' ones instead of spending that money on someone who is not so fortunate.

NO. I am angry. I am sad. Christmas is NOT Christmas if you are not helping someone else. I mean of course you should spend it with your family, but it shouldn't end there. There are more people in this world than just our family!

So let me inform you, that when you are born into our family, we will not be spending our Christmas wasting money and time and energy on decorations and stuffing food down our throats. We will be a blessing to those less fortunate. Because when God asks me at the end of my life, what did you do during Christmas? I do not want to answer Him, 'Errr I bought a Christmas tree'. Nice. God gave to me. I need to give to others.

I love you. And I want you to love people.

Always yours,
Mummy

P.S.:- Listen to this. That is all.

Astro.

Baby girl, doesn't matter how old you are....work hard, work with integrity and work with passion! This 15 year old boy, Brian "Astro" Bradley, inspires me :)

Just do it.

Hey baby girl,

So yesterday it's been....4 months since I moved to Finland! Honestly, it feels like much longer than that. I guess that's because so much has happened in such a short time. So many lessons I've had to learn in just 4 months which I hadn't learned in years. Nevertheless, I can tell you that being in Finland has been an incredible journey so far.

Yes, there have been many nights I've cried out to God and asked Him, 'WHY AM I HERE?!' But God, in His kindness and love, has always replied, 'Don't be afraid. I am with you.' And true enough, He has been with me. Though the journey, so far, has been bumpy, it's been a good one!

Today I look back and I can understand why I was brought here. I have changed a lot as a person. Mostly in a good way. God has pushed me to push my limits. He has made me face my fears. But above all, He has caused me to lean on Him. And this is probably a lesson you should learn at an early age, for the faster you learn it, the better! It doesn't matter who is around you. It could be people who you love the most or people you can't stand at all. The only person you lean on is God. Because I can assure you, He is the only person who will NOT let you down. Everyone is human and they are just as fragile and vulnerable as you are. So don't forget, lean on your Heavenly Daddy!

I also know that another reason God brought us here was to serve Him. Your daddy and I have had so many opportunities to serve God. We have been given the amazing privilege of singing and playing in many churches and we got to share our little life stories in the meantime. Our faith has been tested and so has our obedience.

I just thought I would share a little story with you, which happened a couple of days ago. So daddy and I go to a Finnish Church. It's a nice church but it's all in Finnish so I understand very little of what's going on. Daddy translates for me usually. However something I do love, is singing the old songs in Finnish. They are slow and so different from what I'm used to but they are incredibly beautiful!

So last Sunday, we were seated at the back and daddy was translating for me, when a somewhat elderly lady came and sat next to me. She was smelling of cigarettes and she didn't look like she was ok. The moment she sat down, I sort of felt an electric shock in me and I heard the Holy Spirit telling me to pray for her. So I asked your daddy to stop translating as I wanted to concentrate and I started praying for her quietly. Somewhere during the songs, she started crying. Now I knew it was not just a voice in my head asking me to pray for her. The service was coming to a close and I heard the Holy Spirit asking me to talk to her after the service that He had something He wanted to tell her. Now in Finland, people don't just walk up to strangers and start talking to them so I felt a bit nervous. I was wondering, okay is this REALLY God or is this just my own voice? But I thought, no, I'm not going to think twice about this. I'm just going to do it. So after the service daddy and I walked up to her and he asked her if she could speak English and she said no. So I started talking to her in English and daddy translated. I told her how much God loves her and how her life is so important to Him and how He has made her to do great things for Him. And there in the middle of the church she started bawling and hugged me. And in the little English she knew, she asked me, 'What's your name?'

It was just a small act of obedience on mine and daddy's part, but who knows how far that small act could go. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, no matter how scared you are, when you hear God's voice asking you to do something. Just do it. Whether it is to talk to someone you have never spoken to or leave all your family and friends and move to a different continent, when God asks you to do something, just do it! You don't know how many lives you can change :)

Lots of love and cuddles,
Mummy <3

P.S. IT'S AUTUMN!! And that's mummy's favourite season :) Here is a picture of me and daddy showing a tree some love ;)

Africa.

Hi baby girl,

Yes, I haven't written in awhile. Shame on me. But today I have some interesting thoughts so here they are...

So you may not know this but my heart lies in Africa. Since I was a teeny weeny girl I've had this passion to go to Africa and to serve children and women there. I had a dream (literally!) when I was small and I knew exactly what kind of work I wanted to do there. Of course, not many people were very supportive of the dream. Nevertheless, if God puts a dream in your heart, nobody can take it away darling!

So this little dream lay dormant in my heart until it came time for me to choose which university to go to. I so badly wanted to go to Singapore. I had my heart set on a certain university and I was sure it was going to work out. But alas, the door was shut and I had to choose the last place on Earth I wanted to be in. Malaysia. The time came for me to leave to Uni and you would not believe my surprise when I got down from the taxi and I saw hundreds of Africans in my university. I was so excited. Could God have shut all other doors to bring me here for this purpose? I can tell you that in those 3 years, I had the privilege of getting to know the Africans and learning about their culture and some of the best and happiest memories of my life, I was able to share with them. They are such beautiful people! So kind and generous and full of laughter and joy! And I remember the night of my graduation I wept because I had to leave them and I may not see them again. That was how much they impacted my life. They left a mark in my heart, no other nationality has ever done.

Even a few days ago, I thought about them and was crying in daddy's arms 'cos I realized how much I missed them. How much they brought into my life and how much goodness they brought out of me. And yesterday your daddy and I were invited to sing and play at a english church in Finland. So we went there prepared to be a blessing to them. But when I got there there were two Africans singing and playing. I just sat there and smiled and tears came to my eyes again. Because for the first time since coming to Finland, I felt so much at home. I felt unexplainable joy. I didn't know but I felt like they were my family. I felt like this is where I belonged. It was a beautiful moment. And the funniest thing was that I met my first Sri Lankan in Finland that night as well, but it didn't compare to the joy of being in the presence of these beautiful Africans and hearing that so familiar accent and those beautiful voices.

And in moments like those, I know Africa is not just a dream. It's my future home.

Love,
Mummy

Just a few of my amazing African friends <3

Almost Everything.

Dear baby girl,

So yesterday mummy was feeling kinda down and I was listening to this song and it made me smile on the inside :) Someday if you are feeling sad, here it is...

Love you!

Four.

Hey baby girl,

So yesterday daddy and I have been married for 4 months! *does a celebratory dance*

So in honour of that I have made a small list of some (not all, obviously!) of the things that I love about your daddy...

1. The scrunchy face he makes when he thinks
2. The boyish excitement he exhumes when a cool car passes by
3. The wierd things he does in his sleep (sing, yell things in Finnish, peek over the sides of the bed for no apparent reason, poke me in the eye etc.)
4. How he kisses me and says 'thank you' every morning after breakfast
5. How much he loves God
6. How he tolerates my utter ridiculouness
7. How when we fight he slowly comes and tries to hold my hand
8. How he steals the quilt at night (I'm kidding, it bugs me like nothing)
9. The way he checks out his biceps randomly while talking to me
10. His cute little text messages during the day
11. His hair flip
12. His little dance to Justin Timberlake's song, 'My Love'
13. His penguin & chicken dance
14. The lame jokes he cracks
15. The way he sighs after a lame joke and goes 'okay that was lame'
16. His gigantic squishes
17. How he hides under the quilt in the morning and refuses to get out of bed
18. How supportive and encouraging he is
19. His Mr. Bean voice
20. What a good cook he is
21. How he never gives up
22. His beautiful grey-blue-green eyes
23. His constant need to scientifically explain things
24. How he can make a sad, gloomy day look so much better
25. The look in his eyes when he tells me that I'm beautiful
26. His big dreams
27. How much he loves his little sister
28. How respectful and honourable he is
29. His eyebrow wiggle
30. That he knew he wanted to love me and be with me for the rest of his life :)

These are just 30 reasons. Trust me, I can't even count all the reasons why I love him. But I think it's really important to notice and love the little things about your partner. Because after all, we are all just normal people. Your future husband may not buy you a castle and a white pony and give you diamonds every day. But he may wash the dishes for you and tell you that you're beautiful and be patient with you and darling, in marriage those are the things which are important. So remember that when you pick that lucky guy!

And I'm sure to people who have been married for years and years, 4 months is probably not a very big deal. Nevertheless, whether 4 months or 40 years, I personally believe not a second should be taken for a granted. 'Cos I can't imagine waking up and daddy not being there anymore. I just can't picture it. That's how much he has changed my life. 

So what I am trying to say is when you find that special someone, celebrate everyday! Don't wait for birthdays and Christmas and anniversaries to celebrate. Celebrate your partner everyday! Appreciate them everyday. I guess it does get harder to do when you are living with someone and you see them everyday. But say thank you for the smallest things and mean it! The people who have to put up with us everyday are the ones who should be thanked the most I guess :D

I'm sure you're going to be a great wife :)

Love,
Mummy

P.S.- Here is a cute cheesy love song by Joshua Radin which mummy loves :)

I already love you...

To my baby girl,

I don’t know you yet, my darling. I haven’t seen your little fingers and your miniscule feet. I haven’t seen the colour of your jewel eyes. I don’t even know what the tone of your skin will be. Will you have curly hair like mine? Or beautiful silky hair like your daddy? I can’t picture you yet, but I already love you. In fact, I adore you. Tears are coming to my eyes, because I never thought it was possible to love someone before you met them. But I know now, I love you already.

I’m sure it will be a few years before I meet you, but I will continue to write these letters to write to you, and someday when you are grown up, hopefully you will read them.

I’m sharing my life with you, my precious. For the simple reason that I want you to know how human I am. I want you to know that I have made mistakes, just like you will. I want you to know that even though most days are good, I also have bad days. Because one day you may grow up to think that mommy and daddy have forgotten what it’s like to be young. That we are super-human. But I don’t think we could ever forget our youth. I want to share my lessons with you, my success and my failure. I want you to read these some day and know that mummy does understand what it’s like to have your heart-broken or mummy does know what it’s like to be lonely and scared. But most of all, I want you to know that mummy went through some hard times but those hard times always pass. I also want to share God with you. He has been my closest and best-friend since I was born, and I want Him to be yours too. He will always stand by you. Trust me on this.

I don’t ever want to see you hurt, although I know maybe I will. That breaks my heart even now. To think you could be hurt. But hopefully through the little lessons I share with you, I hope you could learn to avoid some of those things which could hurt you. They say a wise person learns from a fool’s mistakes. Learn from mine, my precious.

This is my heart which I will continue to share with you over the many months and years. I want to see you grow up into a beautiful lady someday. A smart and wise woman who loves God with all her heart and knows how to love people too.

That is all, for now. I love you so much. I dream of the day I will hold your tiny frame in my arms.

With much love,

Your mummy.