Valentine Shmalentine.

Hi baby girl,

First of all, I love you.

Secondly, today is ‘Valentine’s Day’. Another pointless day people celebrate by spending ridiculous amounts of money, stuffing their faces with little balls of diabetes, getting wasted and all in the name of showing that someone ‘special’ that they love them. This is one day that disgusts me the most. Why?

Firstly, if someone is really special to you, why are we dedicating just one day of the year to show them our true, deep feelings? Why not lavish them with your love every day of the year? Why not have candle-lit dinners every night? Why just today?

And then it got me thinking about the age we live in where the whole meaning of love has been disillusioned and corrupted by sex, the music we listen to, the movies we watch and the moronic reality shows we follow.

We are taught to ‘follow our heart’ and we are told that ‘it’s ok if we can’t help how we feel’ or that ‘it’s ok to fall out of love’. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It’s almost 'cool'. And somehow everyone has gotten very comfortable with this cycle.

I want you to remember this. Listen to me carefully. Choose the man you are going to marry with wisdom and obedience to God’s voice. Don’t just marry a man because he pulls the chair out for you or holds doors open for you or because he calls you beautiful. Don’t marry a man because he is good-looking or has a super fit body. Don’t marry a man because he has a similar taste in music. All of those shallow things could fade. Marry a man because after seeking God’s face, He gives you the peace and assurance in your heart that this is the man you must spend the rest of your life with. And also marry a man who loves Jesus with all of his heart.

After that, no matter what obstacles come your way, you don’t give up. Why? Because you made a promise to him and to God. There are going to be days you don’t ‘feel’ like you’re in love. It’s not going to ALWAYS be sunshine and ponies. Some of those quirky little traits about him will become simply annoying. Some days you won’t have anything to talk about. He may not always open doors and pull out chairs for you. He may be insensitive some days. He may not call you beautiful all the time. He may betray your trust. He may not meet your expectations. There are going to be days you are going to want to walk out and quit. There are days when your 'heart' tells you to give up 'cos it's pointless. But you don’t. Because you made a promise. We live in a generation that doesn’t keep their word. But you must be different. If there is only one promise you make in your life, let it be this and then keep it until you die.

You don’t follow your heart. You follow through with the promise you made to your partner.

People don’t fall out of love. They just choose to stop loving the other person when things become too difficult or uncomfortable.

You can help how you feel. This is how you do it. You write down how you feel. Whether it’s pain, anger, betrayal, sorrow, grief, jealousy, distrust, hopelessness, despair, fear and the list goes on. And next to that you write down what you need to do and what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love and then you do it, regardless of how you feel. That is what honouring a commitment means.

And this is the most important thing to remember. You can look at the other person and complain about how much he has changed. But I can guarantee you this. You changed first. This is something I as a wife struggled to accept at first. I can’t change daddy. I can only change myself. He is not responsible for my happiness. I am. In fact, the more I focused on changing myself and less on changing him, he and I were both so much happier.

And remember, marriage or any relationship is not a tit-for-tat game. You don’t love someone because they love you. You love someone because you choose to love that person. If we only loved people because they loved us…well, there will be days we won’t find anyone to love. The same goes for all other qualities, like trust, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement and the list goes on.

I am blessed to have daddy. He is not a perfect man (thank God for that!) but he is absolutely perfect for me and I only pray and hope that you find a prince like daddy :) After all, we only want the best for you!

But remember, love is not a fairytale. It is nothing like the movies. In fact, it’s even more beautiful and significant. It’s something that takes years to perfect and it requires commitment, not feelings. So remember these little words of wisdom, I have shared with you. Because one day when you are down in a pit of despair, they might give you some hope.

We love you!

Big cuddles,

Mummy

P.S.: This is such a beautiful song, enjoy :)