"But You're So Young!"

Hello my darling,

Your father and I have been married for 1½ years now. I was 21 and he was 20 when we got married. And even up to now, I still have people who say to me, 'Why would you get married so young? Why don't you enjoy your life first?'

Even before your father and I started dating, we talked about marriage. I think we both knew that we didn't want to date for the sake of dating. If I was going to date someone, I wanted it to be my future husband. So after a lot of prayer and thought, we started dating and in 9 months we announced our engagement. I can count on my hands the number of people who were supportive of our decision. In other words, there were very few. Some people even had the audacity to ask me if I'm pregnant. As if that was the only sane reason as to why a person should get married. Then others brought up the famous statement, 'You should first enjoy your youth before you get married' As if getting married somehow caused you to age faster and robbed you of your hair and every joy you may ever have.

It made me think a little and I realized what a warped and strange idea people had of marriage. The world has portrayed marriage to appear as some sort of cage. Some form of imprisonment or punishment. Very few people said to me, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man, sharing and enjoying your youth and future with him??' It was more like, 'You're getting married?? You mean you are going to be stuck with the same man for the rest of your life??'

And it saddened me. Because I have not enjoyed my life as much as I have with your father. It hasn't been all sunshine and ponies, let me tell you that. But I would not trade this life for anything else. For all the 'freedom' in the world. For with him, I am completely free. Free to be myself, free to dream, free to hope, free to be sad and free to be happy. I wake up in the morning to the same person and yes, that is wonderful. Because it reminds me that there is a man on this earth who loves me so much and whether it be good or bad days, he has chosen and promised to be by my side. And all those things that people thought I would miss out on? Not only have I not missed out on anything, I've even had my bestfriend with me to laugh and cry through it all. It doesn't get any better than that.

So why am I writing this? Simply to say, don't underestimate the beauty and power of marriage. Today people very rarely give marriage a thought. Just living together will do. Marriage has become equivalent to a wedding. Getting married means having the perfect wedding. But marriage is so much more than a wedding. The promises and the commitment your father and I made to each other before God keep us going through the tough times. I can't and I won't just walk out one day 'cos I feel like I'm not in love today. We are not roommates, we are husband and wife.

So in an age when divorce is fashinonable and relationships only last for as long as a mudcake would in my fridge, treasure marriage. Respect it and honour it. It's not and it shouldn't be a prison. It's most certainly not easy and you will face MANY challenges, but enjoy it. When marriage is approached with the right attitude, it's one of the most magnificent experiences you could have. It's a place you can grow tremendously and it can chisel and polish you until you shine bright as ever.

I pray that oneday you will find a wonderful husband who brings out the absolute best in you, like your father does in me.

Much love,

Mummy

Feel-Good Generation.

Hi baby girl,

Welcome to the Feel-Good Generation.

We are the generation that does what feels good, no matter the cost. We spend our whole lives chasing for that one high, that one moment, that one experience that makes everything else worth it. We run behind superficial happiness, but only because it's easy.  We want the things we can never have. We want the things everyone else has. We are never satisfied with who we are or what we possess. We always want more.

Patience is for losers. We are the super-fast generation. Super fast technology, super fast cars, super fast girls and super fast boys, super fast relationships, super fast noodles. Everything is so fast, that the reality is most of us are trying to keep up. Keep up with the fashion, keep up with the latest trends, we spend our lives keeping up. We're all out of breath but we don't stop for a second to think, we just keep on running.

The motto of our youth is get rich or die trying. Money and sex. The two things that control our lives. We think those two things will complete our lives. Make us happy. Give us peace. Give us status. Give us respect. Oh yeah, we don't earn respect anymore. We demand it. With guns and foul language. By bullying and looking down on people. Women think they gain respect by taking off their clothes. Men think they gain respect by being the man who gets with the most number of women who take off their clothes. We don't respect others, but they must respect us.We don't even respect ourselves anymore, yet we expect others to respect us.

We love to look good on the outside, but we pay no attention to our insides. While our faces are painted with colour and vibrance, our insides are decomposing. There is no room in our lives for compassion and kindness. Why? Because it doesn't benefit us. Why should we bother with it? Everything is about me. I have to look out for myself. I have to succeed. It doesn't matter who I have to hurt or trample on to succeed. This is MY life.

Commitment, honesty, keeping your word, respect, honour, dignity are a thing of the past. They are too old-fashioned. You can't be successful and be honest at the same time. Can you? You must get divorced at least once in your life. You must sleep with as many boys as you can before you get married. You must lust after as many women as you possibly can. You must lie and cheat otherwise you just can't get to the top. It doesn't matter if what you are doing is wrong, as long as it feels good to you. It's ok to walk out on relationships just because you don't feel in love anymore. It's ok to curse at your parents and elders, after all, they are just a bunch of old people. What do they know? It's ok to watch porn cos everyone else does. It's cool to be rebellious and have no respect for authorities.

NO.

Today, I'm taking a stand. I refuse to be a part of this generation. I refuse to accept all the lies and the standards this world has set. Because in my opinion, these are not standards that I want to base my life on.

My standard is Jesus. My standard is the Bible. It's the oldest book and yet the most relevant book. I have found all my answers in this one book.

The Bible tells me to be honest. It tells me to give to the poor. It tells me to protect my body and my mind. It tells me that I have been put on this Earth not just for myself, but to be a blessing to others. It tells me to honour my commitments. It tells me to respect and be kind to everybody regardless of their nationality, religion, cast or creed. It tells me to forgive, not just once but over and over again. It tells me not to lie or cheat. It tells me to honour my parents and elders. It tells me that money should never be my master. It tells me that I am created beautifully, that I don't need to slobber my face with makeup to look attractive. It tells me I must respect the authorities. It tells me to look after the Earth I am placed on, and not pollute it. It tells me God sent His Son to die on MY behalf, even when I didn't deserve such a sacrifice, so I should love others like He loves me, whether I think they deserve it or not.

So that's my standard. I believe in a new generation. A generation that is cured of this 'Feel-Good' disease. A generation that is consumed with real love, not with superficial, feel-good love. A generation that is kind and honest and seeking to do the right thing always, especially when it's hard. A generation that is respectful and a generation that seeks to find the best in everyone. A generation who gives and not hoards. A generation whose motto is 'Unselfish to the Core'

That's the generation I long to see. The generation I want you, my little angel, to be part of. So it starts with me. I'm going to live differently, and hope and pray that others will see and others will follow.

Because after all, it takes just one tiny matchstick to start a forest fire. So wherever you are, be that little matchstick.

Love you muchly,
Mummy

You will not discriminate.

Dear baby girl,

Today I will write to you about something that is very hard for me to write because it means I have to dig deep into some of my hardest and possibly painful memories. Nevertheless, I must write about it because you must know. You mustn’t be shielded and hidden from unpleasant things. You must know them and understand the seriousness of these issues so that you never inflict those things upon others.

When mummy was a little girl, maybe around 4 or 5, my family moved to Australia. My parents were to study there and I went to school. My first year in Australia was a very hard one. When I went there I was a quiet, timid little girl. I had short, black, curly hair and I looked like a little boy. I was probably one of the 4 dark-skinned kids in my school. And of course, I was bullied for it. 

Mummy's first day of school, in Aussie

 They would call me names, compare me to shit, call me a boy, insult my parents, insult my God, even insult my grandmother. They would push me around or completely ignore me. So I spent most of my lunch breaks alone, walking around the big school. Or I had a small bush which I would eat my lunch in. I found comfort and solace in hiding.

But to make things worse, it wasn’t just the children. In my first grade, my own class teacher bullied me. She would keep me in the ‘dark room’ (the room where kids were put when they were punished) for no reason and make me write my ABC’s even though I knew how to read & write already. Once when someone in my class suggested that I should be made class monitor, she said no. Why? Because apparently I was stupid. Even though my reading, writing and spelling skills were far better than the other kids in my class. Thank God, my parents had me removed from that class and after taking a small test I was promoted to grade 2 in the middle of the year.

I was very scared as a little girl. I hated white people. I hated how they thought they were far superior than me simply because their skin was a lighter shade. I vowed that I would never marry a white man. I had been wounded too much as a little girl. And I believe the scars you receive when you are a small child are the ones hardest to heal.

But I grew up. I had to forgive those children and adults who hurt me. Instead of expecting them to change their thinking, I first had to change my thinking. I had to accept that all white people are not hurtful. All white people are not cruel and selfish and are not ignorant. In fact, they are beautifully human just like me. Now who I am married to? A Finn.

But this is what I have to tell you. As my daughter, you will not discriminate. You will not judge a man or woman or child by the colour of their skin. You will not look down on people because of their culture. You will never mock, joke or insult another human being because of where they come from. You will love people no matter how different they are from you. They did not choose the colour of their skin, or the country they were born in or the accent which they have, therefore you will NEVER mock them, insult them or humiliate them because of it. Do you understand me? You will also never think you are above anybody in this world. Because you are not. It doesn’t matter if you are the queen of a country, nobody is beneath you that you cannot respect their humanity. And when you see people being put down, you will stand up for them. You will not tolerate racism. Why? Because when I was being bullied, nobody stood up for me. And I cannot explain to you how much that hurt.

Love people. Be different. Think differently. I have faith that you will grow up with character and integrity and most of all, a heart for people.

I will love you always,

Mummy

Daddy is the best husband I could ask for  <3